Coronation Special: Why the Monarchy is an absolute shit show & has to GO….

So, Charles Windsor is about to get a fancy new hat. And *trumpet blast* that makes him the head of the British state. Nobody asked ….us – the people who live in the UK. We are to clap and cheer, and sing Dancing on the Ceiling.

So it’s time to restate some basic objections

Firstly, the Monarchy is based on an outdated heridatary principle.

The principle that gave us….sweaty Prince Andrew, that very very nearly gave us a Nazi King ( who emphasised the benefits of bombing London his Nazi friends ), that gave us the our current embarassment – Charles Philip Arthur George, prince of Wales and earl of Chester, duke of Cornwall, duke of Rothesay, earl of Carrick and Baron Renfrew, Lord of the Isles, and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland ( I shit you not)

So folk like me think that amongst the…. 67million… people in the UK – selecting the dull, dry, posh, stupid and out of touch Charles Windsor is a ridiculous choice for a figurehead.

But – tough shit.

There is nothing we can do. He is imposed upon us, constantly venerated in the media, and we’re are told -relentlessly – on an official and cultural level, to tug our forelock and be grateful y’r majesty.

This is fundamentally anti-democratic, anti-meritocratic. It is by default racist, classist, exclusive. It is unaccountable, it is utterly secretive, it is almost certainly corrupt.

Anyone who endorses our celebrates the Royal Family, is tacitly agreeing to the principle that the risible Windsor family are the best representatives of the UK.

That royal kids automatically deserve better opportunities than their own kids. That some are born to be above them. That effort, intelligence, merit and experience, should bow down to status, wealth, heirarchy and poshness.

And those who don’t agree ?

At least a third of the UK ( and more than half of Scots ) – we are very deliberately ignored, we are reviled, we are presented as eccentrics ( indeed, often presented as ‘confirmation that that our monarchy is tolerant’ – look we’re so amazing we don’t just KILL these people like they would in Saudi ! ).

Republicans are reduced to booing, blank pieces of paper or just writing snarky blogs ( anti Monarchy protestors have been arrested for the act of protesting )

But there is cause for optimism – younger folk have little time for the Windsors, and the Firm is actually tearing itself apart. Many of us abhor automatic deference.

And always remember, the Monarchy is a culture war weapon of Right Wing Politics – think about the values it embodies – big landowners, unaccountable wealth, tax dodging, hunting, military and swanning around London in Landrovers. No amount of cute crown emjois or Paddington skits should obscure this.

Be visibly Anti-Monarchy. When the BBC report ‘the nation celebrated’ the coronation they are of course deliberately ignoring huge swathes of the population, but we must make it difficult. And if Fat Geoff the Monarchist says – well vote for an MP who’ll criticise ’em in parliament – point out that it is forbidden to voice any critcism of the Royal family in Parliament.

So stick your Coronation. We’re not celebrating. We’re cringing.

( and you can begin the resistance by sharing this wee blog on either Facebook or Twitter or by pinning it to Big Fat Geoff’s desk. And follow @unroyalreporter or you’re in Nicholas Witchell’s gang and you smell of wee )