You won’t hear it on the BBC or ITV – but the Monarchy, is on it’s final, tired season, and it’ll be finished…. before you are.

A few docile fans are still watching, the tired all-white all posh 1800s franchise is still relentlessly promoted but…. it’s a ridiculous spectacle – a Christmas balloon sagging on the wall in February…

On location – Buckingham Palace is empty, both literally and metaphorically ( but anyway, it’s costing ordinary people and additional £369m to fix up )

Lets look at the franchises problems

CAST: Well, much as I decried her, it was clear that Queen Elizabeth was the Star of the royal family. For those who covet the idea of Britiain as country that needed a stern and grumpy upper class Conservative at the helm, Ol’ Liz was the schniz. Despite being dead, she is costing taxpaying folks £46m

SUPPORTING CAST: So Harry and Meghan was a engaging plotline for a while, but clearly….they’ve gone. Driving the only person of colour out from the monarchy amidst racism rows is not a good look. Charles is also ill, and he may not last long. Who knows how ill Kate is ? ( I wish both well as humans ) – so who’s left ?

Boring baldy bad tempered Willy, Toxic Paedophile Andrew, Edward , Princess Bunhead and Sophie ( don’t all rush at once ) and er…some children. Who’s gonna leap to their feet and salute the risible parade of posh ninnies ? Bear in mind, one of the arguments is the all white, public school educated, Mayfair based Windsor Toffs REPRESENTS the people of UK. If you genuinley think Prince Edward half-witting his way around the world represents you, I’m sorry but you need to have a word with yourself…

AUDIENCE REACTION: Nowadays, Royal visits, are usually met with a tired shrug. Some schoolkids might forced to wave wee flags and cheer, some pensioners might be wheeled out, but, in truth, a Royal visit no longer guarantees a crowd. The dazzling spectacle no longer dazzles. I am an advocate of actively booing these little feudal pantomimes where the Toffs come to pat some peasant or other on the head but sometimes, ignoring Edward or Camilla is almost MORE devastating. Indifference to royalty and status is the opposite of servile fawning….

RATINGS: Are on the slide….never to return. Every survey shows a slow but very clear drop in support.

Only 33% of 18- to 34-year-olds support the monarchy. There is widespread disinterest, in posh people opening fetes and visiting squirrel sancturies.

BUDGET: The cost of this feudal circus is astonishing. Republic have done great work and their (low) estimate is the monarchy costs HALF A BILLION a year. For one small family.

FINALE?

One’s Jumped the Shark. It’s time to vacate the stage and spend more time with your horses.

Personally I’d like a finale which showed The People forcing the Windsor’s to leave their multiple palaces and hand back all their wealth, but I’d settle for a mundane announcment that William does not wish to inflict the monarchy on his own children, and that he will abdicate.