King Charles

Season Finale of The Windsors

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You won’t hear it on the BBC or ITV – but the Monarchy, is on it’s final, tired season, and it’ll be finished…. before you are.

A few docile fans are still watching, the tired all-white all posh 1800s franchise is still relentlessly promoted but…. it’s a ridiculous spectacle – a Christmas balloon sagging on the wall in February…

On location – Buckingham Palace is empty, both literally and metaphorically ( but anyway, it’s costing ordinary people and additional £369m to fix up )

Lets look at the franchises problems

CAST: Well, much as I decried her, it was clear that Queen Elizabeth was the Star of the royal family. For those who covet the idea of Britiain as country that needed a stern and grumpy upper class Conservative at the helm, Ol’ Liz was the schniz. Despite being dead, she is costing taxpaying folks £46m

SUPPORTING CAST: So Harry and Meghan was a engaging plotline for a while, but clearly….they’ve gone. Driving the only person of colour out from the monarchy amidst racism rows is not a good look. Charles is also ill, and he may not last long. Who knows how ill Kate is ? ( I wish both well as humans ) – so who’s left ?

Boring baldy bad tempered Willy, Toxic Paedophile Andrew, Edward , Princess Bunhead and Sophie ( don’t all rush at once ) and er…some children. Who’s gonna leap to their feet and salute the risible parade of posh ninnies ? Bear in mind, one of the arguments is the all white, public school educated, Mayfair based Windsor Toffs REPRESENTS the people of UK. If you genuinley think Prince Edward half-witting his way around the world represents you, I’m sorry but you need to have a word with yourself…

Prince Andrew’s performances convinced no-one.

AUDIENCE REACTION: Nowadays, Royal visits, are usually met with a tired shrug. Some schoolkids might forced to wave wee flags and cheer, some pensioners might be wheeled out, but, in truth, a Royal visit no longer guarantees a crowd. The dazzling spectacle no longer dazzles. I am an advocate of actively booing these little feudal pantomimes where the Toffs come to pat some peasant or other on the head but sometimes, ignoring Edward or Camilla is almost MORE devastating. Indifference to royalty and status is the opposite of servile fawning….

RATINGS: Are on the slide….never to return. Every survey shows a slow but very clear drop in support.

Only 33% of 18- to 34-year-olds support the monarchy. There is widespread disinterest, in posh people opening fetes and visiting squirrel sancturies.

BUDGET: The cost of this feudal circus is astonishing. Republic have done great work and their (low) estimate is the monarchy costs HALF A BILLION a year. For one small family.

FINALE?

One’s Jumped the Shark. It’s time to vacate the stage and spend more time with your horses.

Personally I’d like a finale which showed The People forcing the Windsor’s to leave their multiple palaces and hand back all their wealth, but I’d settle for a mundane announcment that William does not wish to inflict the monarchy on his own children, and that he will abdicate.

Tales of King Charles that the BBC Won’t Tell You…

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Propaganda is about what is emphasised. It’s not some ornate conspiracy to delude us, it’s just that those who inform us are very selective about how our attention & engagement is directed. Conditioning, if you like.

When ‘reporting’ royal stories, they almost never foreground anything that could upset the establishment image. Even if it’s important.

So allow me to offer some sort of a corrective – stories about King Charles for your consideration…

1.King Charles has encountered a shocking amount of paedophiles in influential positions – Chazzer’s hero was Louis Mountbatten (who acccording to FBI files had ‘a perversion for young boys’), his guru was Laurens Van Der Post ( who impregnated a 14 year old girl he was supposed to care for ), one of his best friends and advisors was Jimmy Savile . He even bought An Actual Fucking House for Bishop Peter Ball, claiming that he felt strongly about the ‘monstrous wrongs done to you’.

One of Peter Ball’s victims was 12 years old. ( Ball pleaded guilty ).And there’s Prince Andrew. Anyway, basically that’s…Role model, mentor, friend, spiritual advisor and brother – all guilty of horrendous abuses.

To be very clear, I am not accusing the King of being involved in paedophilia ( I have no evidence and it’s a heinous accusation to make ) but…. what a dumb buffoon. He cannot judge character.

This was when Charles advocated coffee enemas to cure cancer.

2. King Charles has a head full of broken biscuits. He’s a thick person’s idea of a clever person. He preens himself as though he is an environmental prophet (when in fact, he’s an environmental hypocrite), and he’s prone to pronounce on issues he knows nothing about and has absolutely no training in. Despite only getting 2 A-levels ( B in history, C in French ) he got into Cambridge – yeah I know – where they gave him a middling 2:2.

3. He was completely horrible to his young wife. Diana was a teenager, he was 30 when he proposed. They met a mere 12 times. She found out he was still obsessed with Camilla. She cried and cried and tried to call off the wedding. He cried too – but was too pathetic to call of the wedding. They got married. And a gallery of grotesque sycophants celebrated the Fairytale Wedding.

4. He loves to kill for fun.. Charles loves fox-hunting and killing things more generally. He threatened to leave the UK if foxhunting was banned ( I mean, c’mon that’s what you choose to take a stand on ? He was quoted as telling Blair that he “would not dare attack an ethnic minority in the way that supporters of fox hunting were being persecuted”. ).

5. The coveted idea of ‘responsibility’ & ‘duty’ is dubious. If you’re in his position – a billionaire head of state who’s eager to be seen as an envrionmentalist – you don’t accept….bags full of cash from Oil Despots. He refused to face questions or take the stand in the Independent Inquiry in to Child Sex Abuse instead sending a letter. If you’re supposed to embody the highest standards in public life you don’t call your asian friend ‘Sooty’.

Anyway, that’s your King folks. That you pay for. That you are told to revere. Ant & Dec will never tell you this, nor any of the other royal documentaries that the palace have almost complete control over.

My favourite letter about Charles. I wondered who dared to publish such searing truth ? Turns out it was Viz.

The point of this blog is to inform, and ask people to THINK about the political function the monarchy plays in UK culture -Please share on Facetok, Tikbook & Tweet till your face melts ( also please follow @unroyalreporter for more monarchy malarky)