Harry & William – don’t pass on this curse to your kids…

Despite my punk republicanism, I’m not a big fan of criticising the royal kiddies. They’re children. They DID NOT have a choice.

Wee George, Charlotte, Louis and now Archie Parchie are blameless infants. But, due to the Monarchy, these kids fate is sealed..

Royal children are there to be scrutinised, judged, photographed, ridiculed, venerated, manipulated and intruded upon from the moment they are born until the moment they die (and beyond).

Their nursery teacher curtseys to them. Their schoolmates will whisper about them. They need security – think about that for a second – a little kid, due to being a symbol of UK, is inadvertently a target for terrorism. How can that ever be ok?

As teenagers, they smoke a joint and the world knows about it. Any potential schoolboy crush will be vetted by the security services. Paul Burrell was dispatched to the newsagent to buy Razzle when William and Harry were adolescents. Royal kids can’t aspire to any sort of normal life.

They are so obsessed with royal children they kiss dolls of royal children

Monarchy turns these kids into freaks.

And the people who created these conditions are the Royal family and the fans of royalty, who insist they have the right to intrude on a childs privacy. The stroppy Media Boo-Hoo-ing that went on about Archie’s christening is instructive. You’ve been born on stage wee man, and the Royalists DEMAND the right to coo and bubble over you.

Harry and William know all about this freakish life. With stiff, inhumane theatricality, they were made to walk behind their mothers coffin in front of millions. They’ve said it was torture, that people were grabbing at them.

So Royal boyos & their partners, here’s the thing.

Take your kids away. Don’t pass this curse onto your own children. You are very rich, very connected. Go live in a ranch in Africa, or California. It’s too late for you two – you’ll be in the public eye no matter what – but go now, and your kids stand a chance. And their kids might even be anonymous toffs.

I want rid of the monarchy for moral and political reasons, but fucks sake, monarchy is a brutal and cruel thing to inflict on your kid.

Please share on Facebook or Twitter or cut this out and drop leaflets from the sky .( But Facebook is better.)

Reasons to be cheerful

Making the case against the Monarchy often  feels like pissing into royal wind. Because, to my astonishment, most people have an (unexamined) sentimental attachment to this feudal circus.

royal-fans-camped-outside-royal-baby-hospital

Not weirdos

Even obvious royal disasters like the queen interfering in the Scottish referendum or when the Windsors  could barely manage to squeeze out a tear between them  when poor oul Princess-Of-Hearts-England’s Rose In the Wind died…these awkward historical facts are hastily glossed over. Or sympathetically re-imagined featuring Helen Mirren.

Forlocks are tugged. Grovelling returns.

So for the rebel alliance, it often feels like things will never change – and indeed that is the point of the whole charade  – for us plebs gaze at the palaces with half wit wonder and understand that They are  immovable –  THE ROCK OF MONARCHY on which the glorious UK caste system is constructed.

But then, things never change until they do.

So here’s a couple of republican reasons to be cheerful…

They try to pretend that Queeny is  a near deity like in her existence,  but she’s human. And she’s going to the Great Royal Enclosure in the sky soon enought  (and please, be prepared for an orgy of orchestrated sad face ). And whilst I won’t cheer the death of another person,  nor will I feel any sense of loss.Nor should you. You don’t know her either.

Which brings us to the First republican reason to be cheerful – that Charles is next in line, and he is clearly a pitiful ol’ toff with a head full of broken biscuits.

Please feel free to exercise your Republican Anti-Charles muscles here. He’s an unsympathetic character, he’s clumsy, he’s dull.

The second  reason is that Harry Windsor’s said something genuinely intriguing –  that not one of the Unremarkable Windsor Family actually wants to wear the crown, and that he nearly ran away from the circus.

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Amazing. A FREE MAGIC DINOSAUR EGG!

This is not as satisfying a finale as you and I doing wheelies  round the palace corridors whilst raiding the wine cellars, but we would accept their surrender.

Monarchy is  a form of child abuse – not as some of the rumour-mongers would have it – but as in, being a royal kid is being brought up as a freak, with no options, no real freedom to grow, and surrounded by flunkeys.  12 year old Harry was forced to stiff upper lip behind his mother’s coffin. C’mon, that’s pretty traumatising. (Interesting that Chazza never even got a ‘thanks Dad’ in same interview)

And thirdly,  the role of the right wing media is declining.  For years the monarchy has  received relentlessly fawning coverage in the newspapers. But who, under the age of 30, buys a newspaper? Social media is doesn’t do pull out souvenir specials.

And there’s only so many hammy Ant’n’Dec specials the royals can do.

So make your voice heard – tweet, facebook, declare yourself a republican. The only other option is to behave as if we already are a republic. When no-one watches royal specials, when no-one turns up at visits, then they’re already gone….

And finally….a self declared, proud republican very nearly became PM.  Fancy that !

And to continue our rebellion …you could….y’know….share a link to this blog on Facebook or Tweeter ?

s-l225

Ready for the revolution compadres.

 

 

 

 

 

7 Reasons to Revolt against All This Royal Bum Dribble

1) They’re unreformed snobs. You are supposed to sycophantically BOW or CURTSEY when you meet these thick dullards. I mean, c’mon  people, show some self respect. Brits strut about claiming they take No-shit from anyone yet grovel and tug their forelock when faced with Prince Andrew’s beefy visage ?  If your inner serf can’t help it and you do want to bow –  be consistent, and bow to every posh rich aristocrat you meet. If you can’t grovel in person, and you want to write to the queen – the official website recommends you sign off with ‘I have the honour to be, Madam, Your Majesty’s humble and obedient servant’.

Wiggo shows what a Rebel He Is, by, er...kneeling and bowing  at the Establishment Petting Zoo

Wiggo shows what a Rebel He Is, by, er…kneeling and bowing at the Establishment Petting Zoo

2) They’re EXPENSIVE and our funds are used to keep them in pampered luxury. Of course the BBC will trot out the old Buckingham Palace bollocks about ONLY £36 million a year ( even that – for ONE FAMILY !)  equating it with costing a few  pennies per ‘umble serf per week. This is deeply disingenuous, but of course, they face no scrutiny.  Other European monarchy’s cost much less. Republic  ( yes, you should join ) estimate that the true cost to taxpayer- including security, and royal visits is at least 9 TIMES that at nearly £300m. And for this, they get servants to squeeze toothpaste onto their toothbrush

3) They’re EMBARRASSINGLY CRAP AT THEIR “JOB”.  So basically, their job is to nod and smile and be pleasant – how come the queen is such a sour faced trout every-time she appears ? Of course BBC multi-cam directors don’t often cut to her dour dish, but occasionally a revealing shot slips through and she often looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp.queenolympics I mean, fair enough, if I was watching a sycophantic  sex offender singing a crap song, I too might be bored, but Liz, for fucks sake, it’s your job to at least look like you’re enjoying sitting on your arse in the finest seat at your party / the Olympic opening ceremony / new year at the millennium dome. We only catch a glimpse of the Crown Frown inadvertently on live TV spectacles, and the press only print pics of beaming Betty. As for royal diplomacy, well, Charles just compared Putin to Hitler, and if you’re looking at them as role models, then there’s Prince Andrew, who’s repulsive paedophile friend flew a vulnerable teenage girl across the world for a private meeting with Andrew.  Crap at events, crap role models. That only leaves waving. They can wave from luxury limos, I’ll give them that.

4) They’re Naff. I mean some tolerate them as – supposedly – They Bring In The Tourists. This is highly dubious in any case, but my point is… just look at them – do you want the UK being defined  globally by a sycophantic culture

So Coool.

of deference to some corn-beef cheeked inbred toffs ? Do  intelligent England fans not cringe at every international where they got to sing about ‘send her victorious / happy and glorious / long to reign over us’ ? If you’re not cringing already, here’s an American giving the whole thing a kicking….

5) They Cement the 1% – repeat after me – “the thickest, laziest, dumbest royal will be given more influence and respect than the smartest most hardworking person I know…”. You and I can never be royal ( cue ), and They can never be sacked. They are at the top of the class pyramid. They get promoted in the military. They cheat at school. They secretly think people should not try to rise above their station. And sadly, lots of feeble minded forelock tuggers think This Is The Natural Order Of Things.  The whole ‘tradition’ argument, their enormous wealth, and the ridiculous idea that we must automatically respect them acts as a useful fig leaf for a society where the richest are not challenged nor asked to redistribute.

6) It’s Cruel – a tiny bit of sympathy for them here – they’re born into a feudal freakshow. That wee baby George has almost no say in his future – his course in life is to be a Windsor. The boy who’s born to be king, is cursed. Any parent ( with the amount of money William & Kate have) worth their salt would up and leave.

7) This photograph

andrewfamily

Please share this article were ‘soft monarchists’ can read it. The Windsors get effusive praise almost every day from every newspaper, and nobody makes the argument against their duffness.  We need to rattle the golden cages….