The Royal Family – above the law…

Some otherwise reasonable and savvy people, are are Mushy  Monarchists.

They talk the talk politically, but reserve the right to flop on the couch and wallow in a  a tedious documentary about the Queen’s best pals all being horses.

The Mushy Monarchists  justification runs thus…’oh come on it’s harmless pageantry and flags & good ol’ British tradition’. Such nonsense lets the upper classes sentimentalise inequality  & repackage unpleasant snobbishness as charming character traits.

But this whimsical narrative is shattered when members of the royal family are revealed to be above the law, meddling  and arrogant.

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I’ll be the Judge

The laws don’t apply to the Windsors. Under UK law, the Sovereign cannot be prosecuted. Or even questioned apparently.

Prince Charles has long hung out with some dubious characters. Despite some desperate spinning by royal PR, Prince Charles’s  long friendship with Jimmy Savile is undeniable, his life guru Laurens Van Der Post impregnated a 14 year old girl ( lets not forget that Savile-and-Charles-660x553Van Der Post is Prince William’s godfather ). Recently, Charles sympathised with abusive bishop Peter Bell, lamenting the ‘monstrous wrongs that have been done to you’. He  gave the Abusive Bishop money, and then a house “not too far from here so you can come over more easily”. Aww. That’s nice.

Of course none of this association implies Prince Charles himself is guilty of anything so sinister – I am politically opposed to The Windsors, but no-one should be accused of anything so toxic unless there’s compelling evidence. So to be clear, I am not amongst the wilder fringes of the net insinuating against Charles.

But clearly, the legal process does not hold them to account.

Here we have a man who  no-one can question, but he readily admits he was deceived. A man who’s always ready to lecture us on ‘duty’, but REFUSED to give a legal statement to the Independent Inquiry on Child Sexual Abuse.

Think about that for a second. An inquiry who’s stated aim is to ensure that children get ‘the care and protection from sexual abuse they need and deserve, now and in the future.’

Charles and legal staff REFUSE. A statement implies swearing an oath – and Charles lawyers shrugged, and said the court couldn’t compel him to release a statement. Why are they so concerned ?

Instead, they send a long letter, full of equivocation and ‘can’t remembers’ which was read out to everyones dissatisfaction.

One of the many things Charles couldn’t remember was who he was referring to in his letters when he told the Bishop he would  ‘see off this horrid man if he tries anything again’. How convenient.

After Savile, wasn’t there a collective moment when a shocked UK resolved that in the future, no stone would be left unturned, no matter who it upset ? Apparently not.

Before I bang the cyber gavel, , here’s a list of royal incidents where the current crop got away with it…

Prince Andrew rams gates to avoid 1 mile detour ( completely fine ).

Prince Harry out shooting, rare birds of prey shot in area…( nothing to see)

Prince Andrew goes to small house in London to meet with 17 year old girl who was trafficked across the Atlantic by a convicted paedophile ( seems legit )

_38495201_sketch150In fact the only court case where a member of Royal Family was held to account was when Princess Anne’s dog attacked a 7 year old and 12 year old, biting them on the collarbone and leg. Penalties for this crime could be a £5000 fine, 6 months in jail, and having the dog put down. Anne was told to pay £250 to each of the traumatised kids ( there’s no mention of an apology anywhere). The child biting bull terrier went home to eat steak. But a ended up eating one of the Queen’s corgis.

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Ruddy Prince Charles, the Jar Jar Binks of the Windsors

Prince Charles. Even saying his name is like a sigh or a roll of the eyes.

A deep depression ( and a weather map )
A deep depression ( and a weather map )

His full name is  Charles Phillip Arthur George Mountbatten Windsor  (aka Prince Charles aka The Prince of Wales aka The Duke of Rothesay ) but c’mon folks, get a grip – this is 2015, not 1715.  Look beyond the grandiose titles these clowns anoint themselves to remind you that they consider themselves above you. So what do we see ? A morose, dim, arrogant, uncharismatic, meddling ol’ dullard who you wouldn’t want to sit next to at a wedding.

Yeah yeah, poor Charles –   I know,  yeah yeah, uncaring mother , an aggressive tyrant father ( Jonathan Dimbleby reports that Phil The Greek would ‘seem intent on correcting the Prince but mocking him as well, so that he seemeed to be foolish and tongue tied in front of friends and family…the small boy was frequently reduced to tears ‘ – awww, the role model family ). Bullied at school ( he wrote to the queen to tell her he was getting battered but as is the form for posh people, she ignored him).  He  meets Diana 13 times then gets married to the teenager sloane.

Being in the monarchy fucks people up and if they weren’t so steeped in it’s stupid upper-class snobby ethos they’d figure that out and waltz away ( see my tender plea to Willz)

But we’re stuck with Charlie Windsor the damaged moany faced Meddler. In British culture there’s always been  a weird tradition of indulging and in fact celebrating the eccentricities of the posh.

But, please lets not celebrate a man who….

Despite his privileged education,   he has only 2 A-levels ( B in history, C in French, this was good enough to get him into Cambridge, please don’t try this at home kids )… yet happily lectures healthcare professional that coffee enemas can cure cancer Eh..actually….no, you’re alright Charles, I’m fine with tea thanks.

My favourite letter about Charles. I wondered who dared to publish such searing truth ? Turns out it was Viz.
My favourite letter about Charles. I wondered who dared to publish such searing truth ? Turns out it was Viz.

Nor has Oul’ Carbuncle Face  has no architectural training whatsoever but decrees what architecture should be, abusing his position and promoting the tweeville town Poundsbury…He’s an eager fox hunter and has a werido Haywain vision  of the countryside, he once complained that farmers are being treated worse than “blacks or gays”. A couple of years ago one of his Countryside Heroes was a ‘scyther’. Yeah, Chaz –  you’re so taking the pulse of country life !

I could go on about this self proclaimed ‘enemy of the enlightenment’ – and the damage he does.

Where does he get the confidence ? Well, surrounded by flunkeys, yes-men and a media who report every Posh-Fud-Has-An-Opinion story as if Moses himself had come back from the palace with tablets of stone. As always with royal bumfawnery – there is no context given – nobody questions whether Prince Charles has any authority or expertise. He’s never interviewed or held to account.

Hilariously, Charles even has the temerity to criticise others for aspiring  – those who believe they could be “pop stars, High Court judges, TV presenters or heads of state” without putting in the effort ( putting in the effort means….falling out of a windsor womb).  So much for all that Prince’s Trust guff  ( do not get ideas above your station young people.)

The most incredible story has been the saga of the Spider Letters.

The palaces rationale for keeping them secret….that they would “seriously damage” Charles role as monarch if they were disclosed is beyond parody. The plebs can’t see his letters to the government because if they plebs saw this buffoon’s attempts to meddle in democracy,  they might demand a bit more democracy.

This morning, the supreme court ( were the judges swear allegiance to Charles’s mummy ), ruled that we DO have a right to see Daft Chaz’s “particularly frank” interventions on public policy. It’s an absolute scandal.

Come On Guardian, get them published right now…after all The Sun reported on Wednesday that David Cameron has told Charles that he will attempt to change the law to prevent the letters ever being released.

Get your pitchforks, get your flaming torches, head for the palace…this is going to be fun.