6 total cringers the Royal Family hope Meghan won’t find out about…

Hi Meghan, glad you found the site.

Congrats on getting engaged to that bloke. In my opinion, he’s punching above his weight, but hey, I hope you’re happy.

But there’s one or two things you might need to know…

Historically, the royals were always pretty keen on fascism…the historical record shows it was only due to the last American Divorcee (OMG!) to marry a prince that the UK avoided being ruled by a Nazi sympathising King. The Queen mum was also fond of Cecil Rhodes and various other white supremacists, and yes, the queen did throw a Sieg Heil as a child. And god knows what else they’ve hidden. However if you were to propose a documentary to the BBC to scrutinise the Windsor’s toxic political opinions…they’ll suggest some sycophantic drivel with Claire Balding and horse frottage.
Prince Charles thinks spraying coffee up the bum will cure cancer – Ok, this is a somewhat provocative interpretation, but Charles ( 2 A levels) did lecture medical professionals and recommend coffee enemas. Your Fathe- in-law to be is a proud ‘enemy of the enlightenment’ ( if you want to be amazed by his gullibility look up his intellectual guru – and indeed Prince William’s god father – Laurens Van Der Post )
They are awash with dodgy money – us serfs pay for the royals, but guess what – we’re not allowed to know ANYTHING about what they do with the dough. Even when the Queen was recently caught out trying to hide money from…er…Her majesty’s tax inspectors.
You Are Not Allowed To Know
. Prince Andrew and Fergie raked in £15 million for their minging house ( £3m above the asking price ), and the new owners – the son in law of a horrific Kazakhstan dictator – were so delighted with their property, they ignored it for 8 years then knocked it down! Prince Andrew then personally pressurised the head of Coutts bank to take on the dictator as a client. Fancy that !
Prince Harry cheated at his exams. An art teacher at Eton was expected to do some of Harry’s written work for his art exams and other teachers created the paintings he submitted. Poor Miss Forsyth was sacked from the posh school on the most dubious grounds – that she was not cut out for teaching older boys “in the Eton context”. Perhaps she had the temerity to question the integrity of this. Turned out the teacher had a tape of Prince Harry talking to her about her doing the project ( where he admitted he wrote “about a sentence”) , and an employment tribunal ruled entirely in her favour – Prince Harry had cheated, Eton has dubious integrity and she was awarded £45k in costs.
Whilst the Corgis are fed steak from a silver platter, they may suggest you eat horses….When it emerged in 2013 that Tesco burgers ( y’know, the type of thing poor taxpayers buy? ) had horsemeat in them, Princess Anne showed her sensitive side by proclaiming that, actually more subjects should eat horse. And by the way those corgis are served their fine steak in order of seniority. I shit you not – even the corgi’s are subject to hierarchy. The queen lives on a diet of pure swan foam. FACT.
You Meghan… are a feminist ( hurrah, at last, someone with an opinion other than I like the army ). Maybe you could have a conversation with Harry’s uncle – Prince Andrew was involved in the trafficking a vulnerable 17 year old , sent to London, by a paedophile, for the express purpose of spending time with him. The girl in question said she was exploited by royalty. There’s no funny punchline. We pay for him, is the punchline, but that’s just a dismal and pathetic illustration of how little power we have….