Royals For Sale !

The Windsor family are handed an extraordinary and obscene amounts of money that’s ultimatel from our pocket via taxation. They are just one family and they required £142.4 million in 2019.

But £142.4 million, it would appear, is not enought to fill their grasping velvet mitts.

The Windsor family are courted by the vulgar, the wealthy, oily corporate types. Stupidly rich people.

These people are the Royals peers – their contact with the ‘real world’ of business. As a result, useless dotards like Prince Andrew are desperately keen to be seen as Players in the Big Dick Business Game – it might impress his friend Peter Jones.

[ Funnily enough, the smug Dragon doesn’t boast so much about being Prince Andrew’s friend these days. *Duncan voice* Ahm Owt ]

But Arrogant Baby Man Andy wants to prove that he IN HIS OWN RIGHT is one of the dynamic and streetwise movers and shakers. Of course, the spoiled royals aren’t used to rules, laws and haven’t a clue about commercial cut’n’thrust.

Ker-ching for a Day..

Prince Andrew acted as a broker for a Kazakh Oligarch who was desperate to buy a home from the Queens estate.

Co-in-ci-dentally at the the same time…. he sells his horrible shitty house to….the very same Kazakh Oligarch for £15m ( £3m pounds over the asking price for a house no-one else wanted ) Fancy that !

The Oligrach was so thrilled with his purchas ….that err…he never visited SouthYork – and bulldozed the whole place a few years later.

[ this information was revealed through a Freedom of Information request, but…now the royals are exempt from FOI requests ]

Fergie sells access to Andrew

In a tabloid sting, Fergie demanded the Fake Sheik wire half a million quid to her account …saying that this would “open any door you want, and I will for you…look after me and he’ll look after you”. Maybe the FBI should get in touch with Fergie to help prise those palace gates open.

Fergie also took money from Epstein – £15,000. Significantly, this was AFTER he came out of prison. I mean, you’re in the public eye, you need some money – who do you turn to ? A high profile convicted paedophile of course !

She later said – “I abhor peadophilia and any sexual abuse of children and know that this was a gigantic error of judgment on my behalf. I am just so contrite I cannot say”. Oh boo-hoo- but HE WAS A CONVICTED PAEDOPHILE AT THE TIME AND YOU STAYED IN HIS HOUSE, AND POCKETED HIS MONEY you crass imbecile.

The Fence, Camilla – who’s nephew also sells access – and Chaz

Get a Gong from Prince Charles – Slightly different route, but still a transaction. You are a wealthy Saudi for example – you make a huge donation to one of Prince Charles’s charities, and Charles’s fixer Michael Fawcett – will arrange an honour for you. Or in posh-speak the honours “will be made in response to the most recent and anticipated support [of] The Trust, and in connection with his ongoing commitment generally within the United Kingdom”.

Funny how the Palace and the press always credit the royals for their “hands on” work with charity. Then there’s the sniff of corruption and suddenly Mercy Me – oh no Prince Charles knows nothing about the day to day operation of the charity. ( in this specific case it doesn’t ring true at all)

Duke of Kent will get you access to Putin – quite the bargain at £50,000 for a week – or, if you want the full package – £143,000 for an recorded speech endorsement by the Duke himself. You might of wondered – who is this guy and what does he do ? Well, he does very little and he charges a lot. ( very weird that he offers access to Putin !)

Sophie will get Edward to appear at your function. As she argued in 2001 – For instance, in your own country when people find we’re working for you, the chances are you’ll get people interested: Oh gosh, they’ve employed the Countess of Wessex’s PR company.’ ( she had to resign when this came out)

These are just a few examples, and the few that we know about. There’s a smell from Prince Andrew’s Pitch at the Palace, and how does he have enough money to buy ski chalets and fly around in Private Jet ?

But – for no good reason – The Royal family are also blanketed in ridiculous secrecry – we’re allowed to know nothing, there is no transparancy – they’re protected never called to account for their actions.

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Hip hip Hurrah ! The Royal Family are falling apart…

This blog tries to cite specific hypocrisies and ways in which the royal family Made You A Moron ( © Sex Pistols). Not you of course. You’re enlightened.

The institution of The Monarchy changes over decades – maybe even centuries – rather than on a day be day basis. They used to be for slavery, now they’re against it. They used to disdain commoners, now they marry them.

But lets stop the daily jabber for a moment, to celebrate the startling news you don’t see printed in the deferential dailies.

The Monarchy is Falling to bits.

The wheels are falling off the golden coach & the whole circus looks tawdry and stupid. The flag waving crowds no longer show up (unreported). And it is only going to get worse….

Consider….

The Queen is old and going…going…. Inevitably there will be a cataclysmic knicker wetting when she dies and the world will go mad….. but die she will.

All attempts at popularising Prince Charles have failed. He is not loved. Not respected. Has a whole back catalogue of idiotic statements. A stiff, old bore….out of touch and arrogant.

Prince Andrew is wanted by the FBI, for a very very serious and repellant crime – being involved with exploiting trafficked young women.

The Royal Family are in the shit if he goes to the FBI ( he wont) and in the shit if he spends the rest of his life helicoptering from palace to golf course at taxpayer expense

Of course it’s an absolute scandal and stain on UK life that he has not been held accountable for his actions ( thanks, mainly to taxpayer funded PR & The Queen).

Prince Harry has LEFT THE PALACE. As predicted by….er…none of the royal experts ( but yours truly called it long ago ). Truly he is The Prince Over the Water…but this one isn’t coming back. I’m not a devotee of Harry and Meghan, but they have done all that can realistically be expected to extracate themselves from the feudal shitshow. Royal on Royal attacks cause absolute consternation and confuse the puce faced “royal experts”. But the younger generation are very much #teammeghan.

Prince William – there are rumours of an affair, and there is not much charm visible. He and Harry have fallen out. If he’s the Great White Hope of the Monarchy…well. He commits the cardinal sin of being boring. He’s beige chinos in at an IT conference in Switzerland.

Culture has been mainly changing for the better – everyone is for diversity, equality, opportunity, meritocracy. So why is the public face of Britain still – one very rich, entirely white family who’s only qualification for the job their bloodline ? It’s self evidently preposterous. The rich and the conservatives love it, but c’mon people….object to this vulgar idiocy.

( it’s very disappointing that equality campaigners & diversity charities ignore this very obvious sore at the heart of British life. Gongs incentive deference.)

Cool Britannia ?

The UK is an odd country. Monarchy & empire have warped views and given a gaudy legitimacy to some awful takes.

But being optimistic…more and more people despise snobbery, more and more people embrace multiculturalism, more and more people require accountability from those in power. Shows like The Crown are fundamentally pro-monarchy, BUT they do show how damaged those within it are. Eyes are being opened. To even question the Firm is subversive.

And social media – and the decline of the grovel-sheets, means that – unlike the 1980s /90s – we have a voice.

If the monarchy is bleating brittle and fragile…..don’t go doe eyed.

Use your voice to blow it away. Convert Buckingham Palace into a museum – the tourists will flock, and your Aunty Margaret will have somewhere to opine “oh I did like the queen” and no-one will care.

Imagine of a future where the UK is not represented by old, dull, white aristocrats – one of whom’s wanted for sex trafficking.

Spread the gospel of a changed UK. The Green Party – with an explicitly anti-monarchy stance are already part of the Scottish Government. The era of fawning…is coming to an end.

( Winks at reader & flicks head towards Facebook button to encourage rebels to share this malarky)

The Royal Family and the Environment

A much loved National Figurehead. And Prince William.

From their Private Jets, emerging from their huge palaces, leaning out of their landrover windows – the Royal Family love to lecture us that WE must do something to save the planet.

The unfolding Environmental Catastrophe does need urgently addressed. It is indeed the most cataclysmic threat of our time.

Prince Charles egotistically bores around claiming that he invented environmentalism and Royal PR eagerly shoves the Queen alongside David Attenborough and comes up with documentaries like The Queen’s Green Planet. Attenborough should place a stalking restriction on Prince William, as baldy is always elbowing in like they are bezzies.

But Oxfam tells us, that – in fact – the worlds Wealthiest 1% were responsible for more than double the emissions of the poorest 50%

Do the royal family question multinationals ? Do they critique captialism ? Do they set any sort of example by downsizing out of a palace ? Do they cut back on private jets, or even stop flying altogether ? Do they even do low bar gestures like stop burning their Grouse Moors up at Balmoral ?

Do they point out that the Rich are Disproportionately responsible for the mess of the planet ? They’re pals with Richard Branson, do they point at him and say – it’s his fault ?

Of course not.

Prince William goes with the golf club bar idiocy theory – too many people . The offensive idea being if there weren’t so many babies being born in Africa having children then Willy and his polo playing chums could continue to swan about in their Landrover Discoverys.

Father of 3, Prince William, criticises population growth

In 2020 Prince Charles was giving a speech to scientists in Cambridge about the need to lower aircraft omissions. Charles arrived in a private helicopter.

And then recently, the Queen abused her position to exempt herself from a very moderate environmental plan to cut carbon emissions. This is the opposite of making an effort.

This is refusing to make any effort whatsoever, even if it means having to actually interfere to change the law.

The richest people, are demonstrably, most responsible for the climate.

The Royal Family are apologists and legitimisers of the rich. They are friends with Plutocrats and Oil sheiks.

Don’t tell US what to do. Tell the Sultan of Bruei. Tell your royal pals in Kuwait, in UAE. Tell Qatari Royal Family.

I did love when Greta Thunberg met Chaz though. No fawning. No curtseying. No primped up in a stupid dress. Greta looked at him in a – This is a Waste of Everyone’s Time way ( of course reported sycophantically as a meeting of minds)

The Royal Family are occasionally right about the environment.

But by championing it, they immediately depoliticise the issue. They are symbols of conservative culture. They enable corporations. With no qualifications or expertise, Prince Charles – and now William – lecture us from their yachts and palaces.

Maybe when they close down their huge palaces, when they refuse to fly in private jets, or in first class, or in jets, or at all – when they replace their convoys of Bentley’s and Rolls Royces with a bike…

Then we’ll listen.

But until then. STFU HRHs.

Did Prince William spread Covid ?

So here’s the timeline of events.

On 4th of March, Prince Wiliam was saying things like ““I bet everyone’s like, ‘I’ve got coronavirus, I’m dying,’ and you’re like, ‘No, you’ve just got a cough,’”

Prince Charles announced he had Covid on 26th of March.

Despite Government warnings not to he bolted to his second home in Balmoral, bringing Covid to rural Scotland.

Throughout the early part of April, Prince William posted videos of himself ( looking well ) – on the 8th, 12th, 13th, 16th, 17th ( peakier on the 17th ) then he disappears before doing another call on May 8th.

On the 1st of May Wills and Kate tweeted a gushy piece about their kids birthday – declaring that the family had spent ‘several hours’ making pasta.

( by the way, I think it’s grim the way royalty exploit their 5 year old kid, who I won’t criticise for being a 5 year old kid)

In two photos, the wee kid is seen picking up white bags of food for pensioners who are shielding from the virus or other vulnerable people in lockdown in Norfolk.

And that the “four photographs were taken in April.”

So far…so normal deferential nonsense.

But jump forward to November, when it emerges….Prince William had Covid in April. “At a similar time to his father” according to BBC ( really….? Are you sure it wasn’t later ? 26th of March is not April)

According to the Sun he had it when the Queen was spouting some We’ll Meet Again Nonsense which was the 5th of Aprill.

According to NHS, you should self isolate for 10 days from the moment you show symptoms. And your family should isolate too.

So…you know…the question needs to be asked – when did he get it ? Did anyone else in his family get it ? Was it really responsible for them to make food in their kitchen and then hand it out to “pensioners who are shielding from the virus or other vulnerable people in lockdown in Norfolk.”

I’m just surprised there’ve not been more questions asked….

That’s enough detective work for today.

The Royal Family – embodying White Privilege

DIVERSE ROYALTY IS AN OXYMORON

So The Monarchy are ‘considering’ appointing a ‘Diversity Tsar’.

This is reported with a straight face. Nobody splutters into their tea and says WHHHHHHAAAAT ?

The Monarchy is predicated on aristocratic concept of bloodlines.

This toxic belief means that Prince Andrew, Prince Edward, Prince William and the other useless dullards are seen as inherently superior to you. That their posh sprogs are inherently better suited to being head of state than your common (crappy) children. Because they have royal blood.

This, in effect means the thickest, laziest, most corrupt member of the royal family, will automatically have more influence, more clout, more privilege than the most talented, cleverest, working class kid from Brixton, Motherwell or Wrexham.

Think about the modes of adddress…when you write to the queen or their royal “Highnesses” you are advised – on their official page – to sign off with “‘I have the honour to be, Madam, Your Majesty’s humble and obedient servant”.

The whole Firm is based on snobbery – this is a family who have to Bow and Curtsy to ONE ANOTHER in a hirearchicial way. Imagine – you nip for a piss in buck house in the middle of the night and bump into your po-faced ol’ granny and you have to curtsey ?

Whatsmore, this family of damaged, arrogant, posh aristocrats believe themself to be superior to everyone else. That they are literally anointed by God. They embody exclusivity, not diversity. Their divine right means everyone else is below them.

Think of someone you admire, respect, love.

Then dwell for a moment on the fact that the UK consitution believes that Prince Andrew is automatically and without question superior to that person.

When Prince William married Kate (who is from a wealthy family) it was the first time that a royal had married ‘a commoner’. There was a lot of embarassing grovelling praising this as ‘modern’.

yeah, whatever mate.

What’s this Diversity Tsar going to say ? Maybe rent some diversity to stand on the Royal Balcony on ceremonial occasions? Adopt someone from ‘the colonies’ ?

For clarity – in our lifetime – Britain’s head of state will not be……Catholic ( illegal ), Jewish, Muslim, atheist, Hare Krishna, scientologist, Hindu, black, asian…the whole point is it’s a family racket. Given that the whole inheritable position is predicated on the monarch producing a bloodline heir, then it’s unlikely that anyone gay would be allowed to take the throne either.

The Royal Family may or may not be racist. But the Monarchy is racist in practice.

So it’s White Toff Charles. White Toff Wills. White Toff George ( if George has to wait as long for the throne as 72 year old Charles – that means white Windsor men to the year 2086. )

Windsor Supremacy, is the entire point. They can’t advocate for Equality, whilst they embody inequality.

We can’t gather and storm the palace. So please share on Facebook and the like.

Meghan 2 Monarchy 0

Let me welcome Prince Harry to the Republican cause. He’s completely right, they are all trapped.

The Monarchy is an institution that damages the family within it, and – much more importantlly – the millions that have to live with its toxic effects on our political culture.

Harry your weird family are victims of it, and warped by it. Of course, I don’t feel much sympathy for toffs in palaces, but they are just dumb poshos who are harnessed to sell an unfair society, to make poor people clap rich people in gold coaches. The rich being cheered by the thick to placate the poor.

Queen says riding in her gold state coach is 'horrible' experience | UK  News | Sky News

Harry appears to realise that the bovine fans of the monarchy are the ones who buy the tabloids, who give approval ratings for their children, who demand that royals perform to affirm their infantile little visions of Old England. That’s the trap.

I enjoyed Meghan’s articulation of the sheer absurdity of Windsor Land. Imagine your boyfriend panicking because you were going to meet his granny and you didn’t know how to perform a deep curtsey. Think about that for a moment. It’s utterly ludicrous.

As per usual, the analysis has been woeful, with Republic barely appearing anywhere. They probably weren’t invited. Instead a litany of ‘royal experts’ were paraded to snootily pass judgement ( some where eager to pass judgemeent before the interview was even broadcast. This is also known as lying. )

The framing was all Team Meghan or Team Monarchy. As opposed to asking… how on earth can a modern country have such a risible family as head of state? So the rest of the world now thinks that Britain is a country that has ‘concerns’ about skin colour? How can things be expected to improve when the Dullard Fox Hunting Military Loving Windsors are the only applicants to inherit the job ? No people of colour, no Catholics, no Jewish people, no one except Windsors.

Of course they’re institutionally racist – Colonialism was instigated in THEIR NAME. The queen mother was a big fan of Cecil Rhodes. They embody the very idea that they are superior to other races, to other people, to you and me, to….everyone. The Church tells Betty she was Anointed By God.

That’s why the Queen demands her own family to bow and curtsey to her.

It’s clear that the skin colour remark was made by either Prince Charles or Prince William. Neither are popular. The queen will go, and thank god, it’s going to be rocky.

Just get rid of this corrupt feudal shit show.

Stop them influencing our laws. Stop them hiding from the FBI. Stop them dodging tax.

Stop the relentless and creepy exploitation of their kids. Stop glamourising inequality. Stop conflating Toff Tory Values with Nationaly Held Values.

Lets end with a wee jokey tale:

Prince Charles is out riding and meets a local on his land. “Get Orff My Land” bellows Charles.

Local: Why is it your land ?

PC: Because I inherited it from my mother….

Local: Where did she get it ?

PC: Erm…from her father

Local: And him ?

PC: From his father before him. And all the way back for generations.

Local: So how did you first ancestor get a hold of this land ?

PC: erm….they Fought for it.

Local *rolls up sleeves* ok then….Get orff your fucking horse

( go on, do share)

The Paedophiles Pal, protected by the Queen…

A year on, and a lawyer representing the victims of Jeffrey Epstein has called it outrageous that Prince Andrew has still not cooperated with the FBI.

It is absolutely scandalous. A man who’s movements are automatically documented by his protection officers ( your £) cannot find any way of proving his innocence. I wrote about the scandal here

But the FBI investigation is just the tip of the feudal nonce-berg.

The implications for the Monarchy are huge. Ask yourself…

What did the Palace know, when did they know it and what did they do about it ?

Was the Queen was told her son was fraternising with a criminal paedophile and didn’t say anything to him ? She keeps publically showing support for Andrew, what is she doing behind the scenes?

She takes him to Church. But not to court.

Or is is possible the Queen pressurised the UK government to protect him ?

Is it outlandish to suggest that the UK could have already been blackmailed – do what we say or we’ll reveal films of Prince Andrew abusing an underage girl, which in turn will mean the End of the Monarchy ? Do you think the UK establishment would stand up for justice OR do everything they can to protect the Queen and her family ?

Where are the politicians calling for Prince Andrew to face justice ? Can you imagine if this was a footballer, or a TV star ? They’d be hounded onto the first plane for New York.

The Queen herself pressurised the Home Secretary to deport Abu Hamza to the USA. So why isn’t the Queen putting pressure on Prince Andrew to cooperate? Indeed, why isn’t she being asked about it ?

Why isn’t the UK Government requesting Prince Andrew work with US authorities ?

Have the UK police interviewed him under caution ?

I normally try to make my blogs snarly and gossipy. But this is hideous.

You pay for this beefy sleazeball to play golf and fraternise with tyrants. You have to bow to him. The secrecy they demand is being abused to hide a crime. Young women were abused and trafficked – one of those women gives a very convincing account of him abusing her – and yet he’s still a Prince – even if he’s no longer amongst us ?

Who’s side are you on ?

The Great Royal Charity Scam…

The British Trust for Ornithology recently appointed Prince William as it’s patron. The trust’s slogan is ‘Looking Out For Birds”.

Here is Prince William Looking Out For Birds.

NSPCC had “The Paedophiles Friend” Prince Andew as patron of its Full Stop Campaign. Here is Prince Andrew taking a keen interest in a child ( to be fair, NSPCC since distanced themselves publically)

Prince Phillip was the first President of the World Wildlife Fund.

Here is Prince Phillip and the rare tiger her killed..

The Queen mother became patron of Mencap in 1986. Here are is one of her mentally disabled neices she refused to acknowledge, never visited and was happy to pretend they were dead.

There are countless other examples. Why the ROYAL Society for the prevention of Cruelty to Animals, when the Royal family are enthusiastic and unrepentent on bloodsports ? Why do Centrepoint gush about patron Prince William when the royals epitomise the inequality in housing in the UK with empty palaces throughout the land? Princess Eugenie actually started an Anti-Human Slavery Charity to stop trafficking of young women. Good for you -Eugenie – but maybe you could tell us if your father took you to Pizza Express as he claimed ? ( How weird is it that his daughters won’t confirm his pathetic alibi ?)

The Royal Family are damaged people – arrogant, self centred and out of touch. They’re frequently idiotic, crass, and with no real world experience.

The slabbery monarchist declares ‘they do a lot of good work for charity’.

But they don’t.

According to this blog, Royal Patronage does not profer any tangible financial benefit upon the chosen charities. The research also found that the charities with royal patronage were disproportionately in the South East and South West of England ( close to one’s palaces & servants).

So who does benefit from all this Charidee work?

The Royal family of course.

They don’t use the NHS, and they name hospitals after them.

They like to hunt so then sad face for animal charities

They entrench & legitimise the class system, so they foreground their names on social mobility schemes.

Some of these charities do excellent work, and should be supported. But their excellent work shouldn’t be a Moral Beard for a bunch of feckless Toffs who owe their entire existence to taxpayers and ‘tradition’.

So, fellow proles, do a wee charity gig for me.

Post this link on Facebook. Retweet it. Call out this state of stupidity.

The Corgis get Steak, the People get stuffed

The economy is on the brink. The country is in deep shit. Yet the Royal family’s huge income goes up by £200,000 to £82.4 million.

The docile and the easily duped will argue in vague terms about ‘up keep of palaces’ and ‘state functions’ but of course, there’s no real accountability. You, my friend, cannot just find out how your money is spent. The press won’t rattle any cages. The BBC tug their forelock.

The government(s) are handing over money ( our– money ) to the Queen and her family, who are already obscenely wealthy. They spend our money on steak for the corgis, and flying FBI Suspect and abuser of trafficked girls, Prince Andrew, to watch golf. They spent £3.2m on a new helicopter.

And if these lavish sums are going into ‘palace upkeep’, well how come the Windsor familly required another £369m to refurbish Buckingham Palace ( oh and they’re asking for another £20m on top of that ). Give us more money cause one spaffed the last lot on horse racing and range rovers.

It’s utterly obscene. It is an deliberate attempt to legitimise – to glamourise – hideous inequality. The royal family, in part, is about conditioning people to wave their flags and embrace the fact that toffs have golden pianos, and poor kids have foodbanks.

Here’s Our Graeme From @republic explaining how Prince Charles earns £38,000 per hour.

The default assumption is always that we all are happy serfs. Don’t be a happy serf.

Raise awarness. Cause a fuss. Nicholas Witchell’s never going to say this stuff. So please share this blog on your Facebook and the like.

The Crown and the Corona Virus

This is a time of National Crisis.

If you’re going to try to make an rational argument for having a symbolic head of states – someone who’s role it is to lift moral, to inspire and set an example – then a crisis like covid is time for them to SHOW THEIR WORTH.

Yet the Windsor family have been as much use as an inflatable dart board.

In early March, at the very moment the public needed to begin to take the threat seriously, Prince William “joked” about it being over hyped by the media.

ha fuckin’ ha

Did he not get his brief ? Was he too lazy to read it ? Was he badly advised? You might think, it was just an off the cuff comment – but his job is to make sure that he doesn’t say anything dumb at vital moments. And he failed.

[ UPDATE: In fact, as events turned out, it is possible that Prince William WAS actually spreading Coronavirus at this very moment, as a matter of weeks later he was diagnosed with Covid. Which, in a staggering display of contempt for other people – whom he may have encountered – he kept secret. So much for role model. ]

3 weeks later, Prince Charles did set an example. Despite feeling the first symptoms, ignoring Government guidelines, and the First ministers declaration that ‘Scotland was shut to tourists’ – Prince Charles swanned into Balmoral, and promptly declared he had Covid. He brought his entourage with him.

At a time when doctors couldn’t get tested, both Prince Charles and Camilla were immediately tested (by the NHS, maybe the first time the Prince has deigned to accept non-private treatment). Despite him declaring he had only mild symptoms.

The queen bolted straight into the first Rolls Royce departing London, and largely disappeared from view, until she popped up in a palace, and delivered a bland speech in a bland fashion, where sycophantic reporters declared “I defy anyone not to have a lump in their throat”. Lets be honest, it was pedestrian at best. Citing Vera Lynn and comparing the situation to the war is Paint By Numbers right wing crying boy.

She didn’t clap for carers. Presumably that was considered too far.

It’s easy you just bang your forelimnbs together

A recovering Prince Charles and Camilla showed themselves awkward and unable to master the basic skill of clapping for ordinary people.

Since then Das Windsors have continued to show their lack of impact. William and Kate fwah fwahing to people in care homes looks tokenistic. Harry and Megz letting out a long bleating book isn’t a good look. Prince Andrew, however, is probably pleased at the distraction.

The point is, This Should Be Their Moment – where they’re able to show sympathy for those who’ve lost loved ones, and try to inspire the rest of the country to unite and care for one another. This should be the moment it’s difficult to make and argument against the monarchy.

Ha. They’re useless. Pull them out of their posh palaces, and make them clean hospitals.

Fight viruses. Get rid of parasites. Build back better.

The Royal Family – the Entertainment Division of the Tory Culture

Of all the Royal claims, the most risible is the proclamation that they are ‘above politics’. If you swallow this, then you don’t understand how politics works – nor what royalty is for….

Because one of the most insidious effects of the Monarchy is to legitimise, promote and glamourise inequality and right wing values. The Windsor family themselves are probably too thick to see how they star in a Tory porn – but lets peek behind the conservative curtain…

Note how we’re supposed to address the queen….HA ! Betty if she’s lucky.

Royalty Legitimises Snobbery: The Monarchy is predicated on snobbery. You are required to bow. To curtsy. To speak when spoken to. Because They are Royalty and are therefore Superior To You, Their Children are Superior to Your Children. You might think – oh it’s not like that anymore, they seem approachable. Well, that’s expensive PR doing it’s thing. If they don’t believe Royal Blood is intrinsically better than the crappy commoner blood going through your veins, then the whole thing falls apart. And nothing is more Core Conservative than believing the upper classes are born to rule.

aye son, forget about poverty and empire by staring at the queens DIAMONDS

Royalty Venerates Wealth : They may be snobs, but they are also vulgarians. Dotard Trump loved meeting the queen, because it was all about the gold, and palaces, and wealth, and thick red carpets. Now you – peasant – clap and be dazzled by the Crown Jewels ( stolen from across the world). We are supposed to be blinded by golden carriages, to be in awe of the palaces, the swan pate banquets and upper class bling. As if such an ostentatious and crass display of wealth is something to be proud of. Wave your union jacks from your hovel and be grateful that the rich will occasionally flaunt it in your face. Once again, a Tory value – fetishise wealth, fetishise money, fetishise gold – all piped into your brain via Das Vindsors.

Royalty Legitimises The 1% – the billonaires love the royal family because they present a pantomine story that The Rich Are Important Part of Our National Life. The frivolities of the Tatler set are elevated as if they are virtuous – Horses ! Polo ! Hunting ! Private planes ! The royals are a very useful tinselly distraction for the egregious spending of hedge fund managers, the tech giants, tax dodgers.

And following thee royal family around is relentlessly fawning coverage which insists – EVERYTHING THESE PEOPLE DO IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT AND NEWSWORTHY NO MATTER HOW TRIVIAL, IT MUST BE REVERENTIALLY REPORTED ( the BBC have a dedicated royal correspondent ).

Once again, the upshot is Tory conditioning: the Rich Are Great You Should Adore Them.

Royalty is anti Social Mobility : Want to be the UK head of state ? Sorry, can’t do it luv. You don’t have the qualifications. You have to have emerged from a Windsor Vagina. The smartest, most hardworking, intelligent working class kid – no matter how much effort they put in – will never have the platform, the influence and the clout than the thickest, rudest members of the Windsor family are granted automatically.

Royalty is culturally conservative: Politics is not just the bun fight in parliament. We are steeped in cultural politics, and every royal wedding, every tedious anniversary, every jubilee all emphasise the same right wing horse shit – flags, rich people, military, empire and grovelling obedience to your superiors. No wonder the Tories proudly display pictures of the queen in their homes.

What can we do when the royals have the billionaire press, the state broadcaster, and docile idiots endlessly regurgitating this toxic rubbish ?

Well, share blogs like this on Facebook, and Twitter.

Go on. Be a reb.

Criminal Royal Arrogance

If this photo didn’t exist, there’d be no story because the press would believe the palace..

It’s understandable why Prince Andrew thinks he can just ignore the scandal and…in due course…it will disappear.

Because, generally speaking, that’s what happens with royalty – bland, unremarkable, prosaic behaviour is hysterically celebrated, whilst deviant, corrupt and crass is ignored, or swept under the nearest expensive rug. ( in fact, it already happened, a couple of years after the Epstein Scandal broke the first time round, the newspapers quickly returned to praising Prince Andrew.)

None of the taxpayer paid flunkies surrounding the Windsors dare say ‘No’ to a member of the royal family. They are not managers, they are courtiers.

97 year old Prince Phillip insists he can drive despite the fact that he seems barely able to speak – Of Course Sir.

Prince Charles suddenly fancies landing the plane on a runway – great idea Sir.

How’s about he gives a paedophile a house ? Straight away Sir.

And now Prince Andrew declaration that he’d help FBI has come back and bitten his sweaty mitts. It’s significant that the law enforcement agency that are exasperated with him are not the deferential British cops.

The point is, the Royal Family are completley unaccountable. They have a lifetime of refusing to explain themselves or having to justify their behaviour to anyone, least of all peasants. Deference rules.

It mirrors & reinforces societies structure- the rich don’t have to explain themselves, the laws don’t apply to them, it’s impertinent to even question them….

The Windsors are protected by state secrecy. Exempt from Freedom of Information requests. Their mistakes are glossed over by expensive PR agencies. Their misdemeanours are indulged. Written off as ‘gaffes’..

How can it not breed appalling, obnoxious, arrogance? This sycophantic system – this secrecy, almost guarantee’s scandal

Can you imagine what we DON’T know?

The press are relentless cheerleaders for the royals, please share on Facebook and Twitter. Go on, you’re never going to get a medal anyway.

FINAL RESULT Slabbery Royal Idiots 0 Meghan Markle 1

I’m enjoying Meghangate.

A rich couple have a new baby then made a sensible decision to bring up their baby as – mercy me ! – a normal kid. The cold, stiff establishment (& the countless bovine followers) would prefer the kid faces a life of exhausting scrutiny and burdened with ridiculous symbolism. ( Maybe Harry reads this blog...).

The whole thing is catnip for Britains Right Wing Roasters – Racism, royalty, feminism & rejecting the UK – suddenly red white and blue bile was fountaining up from every royalist arsehole in the country.

Equally inept were the broadcast media. They Cannot Compute That People May Not Adore The Royal Family – even when those people are Your Actual Members of the Royal family. Thus Celebrity Feudalism blows a fuse.

BBC & ITN are hard wired to revere and reinforce the place of the monarchy. So when Harry and Meghan made their Fuck It announcement, the broadcasters rushed to the usual florid faces who spouted their unsightful and unsourced assertions that the queen would be disappointed. ( does anyone else let their 95 year old Tory granny make all the decisions for their life ?) . These craven courtiers basically coughed up establishment pearl clutching on demand.

The debate was framed around what ‘Meghan had done’ to the queen – but nobody dared to question the fundamentals – the embarassing absurdity of having a dull family of aristocrats living in golden palaces as a national symbol. Nor the effect of this set up has had on Meghan, Harry and their kid.

Foaming tabloids seemed keen to present the 93 year old queen as some sort of decisive demi-Thatcher.

There was an odd exception – Suzanne Moore wrote a great piece, and weirdly the most touching thing in it was her observation that she..

” went to Diana’s funeral. I watched those boys walk behind that coffin. Even in Westminster Abbey, no one touched or hugged them.”

I remember that too. I don’t remember the royal sycophants criticising or demanding a bit more humanity from the emotionally damaged queen.

If you’ll indulge me on Meghan and Harry – I predicted this exact scenario last year. Given that royal experts are often paid for their contribution, maybe I should buy a pair of red jumbo courduroys and stand outside Buckingham Palace offering my opinion.

And what is spectacularly absent in all this Fwah Fwah Fwah analysis is any critical insight – Monarchy itself is ridiculous. It’s entirely out of date. It damages those within it. It infantalises the country and legitimises – glamourises even – inequality. Instead we have to hear Royal Expert Penny Junor descibe the Windsors as ‘the best people who sprinkle fairy dust whereever they go’ ( nice spot @uk_republic !)

Lots of British folk are completely disinterested or actively oppose the Monarchy. Our opinions are not even welcome, not asked for, not heard. The media will give airtime to those who appear to be quite unwell, but rational opinion is subversive.

I hope Harry and Meghan disappear off across the Atlantic, and when Archie is a daft wee 23 year old getting drunk and falling out of parties with girlfriends, there aren’t creepy Piers Morgan type men judging his behaviour.

And I hope he can say to his girlfriend –

“Remember when Britain used to have a royal family ? When it had a queen and that, before Charles fucked it all up ? Before the revolution ? Well…I was part of that. TRUE ! WAS TOO ! Ach lets have another joint !”

Please share this blog – especially on Facebook, then everyone at your school will think you are the coolest kid. We’re bombarded with relentless royal propaganda….throw in some salt. Thank you.

Prince Andrew Scandal should be the End the Monarchy…

Before anything, let me express my sympathy and support for the women and girls who were enslaved and abused. Virginia Giuffre ( formerly Roberts) and other girls / young women – your innocence, your vulnerability were exploited by powerful men, and you deserve justice.

In speaking out you are heroic, courageous and to be supported. I believe what your saying and am in awe of your resilience.

Beyond the personal trauma this criminal episode, exposes the whole monarchy, not just Prince Andrew.

The Questions that need answered….

Did the Royal Family / the government / the Queen know about Prince Andrew’s visits to Epstein’s island ? To his mansion in New York ?

Who did his security detail ( who we pay for ) report to and what did they say ? (“Prince on island with lots of teenage girls and sleazy men. Some of girls may be underage.” ?)

Was there a reluctance to confront the Duke with his behaviour? After all he is notoriously a boor and shouts at anyone who questions him ?

If the authorties / royal family / establishment knew what was going on – what did they do about it ? Anything ?

There is a toxic, corrupting secrecy around the Royal Family, and we are allowed to know almost nothing, despite paying for almost everything. They are exempt from Freedom of Information. We’re not allowed to know.

It’s one thing to argue that they are entitled to secrecy because why-should-the-public-know-how much-one’s-holidays cost – but quite another, when the secrecy is harnessed to protect them from being questioned about a very serious and ugly crime. Abuse. That’s the word. Abuse.

Stop and think about this for a moment.

The most reviled and hideous paedophile in the UK in decades was Jimmy Savile. Who Prince Charles counted as a good friend and advisor.

The most reviled and notorious paedophile in US currently was Jeffrey Epstein. Who Prince Andrew counted as a good friend and holiday buddy ( even after his conviction).

Prince Andrew was a patron of the NSPCC ( National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) who campaign against trafficking. UPDATE: NSPCC have since disowned Prince Andrew’s patronage since this article has been published.]

Charles Mountbatten Windsor and Andrew Mountbatten Windsor – arrogant, idiotic, sleazy men – we are told – REPRESENT US. We are told they are role models. We are requested to call them Your Royal Highness. We are expected to pay for their life of luxury.

Doesn’t that make you wince ? Make you angry ?

So here’s the news….The Queen is going to die soon.

So make a stand. She’s must be the last monarch. Argue, cause embarrassment, rattle cages, exploit the up and coming political shitstorm.

No more royals. No more Feudalism. No more secrecy. No more golden carriages and slobbering royal weddings.

[ and if you could kick off the rebellion by ReTweeting or Sharing this article on Facebook, then you will be awarded the Revolting Subject Medal of Showing some Spine in an Obsequious world]

Facebook it or Tweet it like a good ‘un.

Harry & William – don’t pass on this curse to your kids…

Despite my punk republicanism, I’m not a big fan of criticising the royal kiddies. They’re children. They DID NOT have a choice.

Wee George, Charlotte, Louis and now Archie Parchie are blameless infants. But, due to the Monarchy, these kids fate is sealed..

Royal children are there to be scrutinised, judged, photographed, ridiculed, venerated, manipulated and intruded upon from the moment they are born until the moment they die (and beyond).

Their nursery teacher curtseys to them. Their schoolmates will whisper about them. They need security – think about that for a second – a little kid, due to being a symbol of UK, is inadvertently a target for terrorism. How can that ever be ok?

As teenagers, they smoke a joint and the world knows about it. Any potential schoolboy crush will be vetted by the security services. Paul Burrell was dispatched to the newsagent to buy Razzle when William and Harry were adolescents. Royal kids can’t aspire to any sort of normal life.

They are so obsessed with royal children they kiss dolls of royal children

Monarchy turns these kids into freaks.

And the people who created these conditions are the Royal family and the fans of royalty, who insist they have the right to intrude on a childs privacy. The stroppy Media Boo-Hoo-ing that went on about Archie’s christening is instructive. You’ve been born on stage wee man, and the Royalists DEMAND the right to coo and bubble over you.

Harry and William know all about this freakish life. With stiff, inhumane theatricality, they were made to walk behind their mothers coffin in front of millions. They’ve said it was torture, that people were grabbing at them.

So Royal boyos & their partners, here’s the thing.

Take your kids away. Don’t pass this curse onto your own children. You are very rich, very connected. Go live in a ranch in Africa, or California. It’s too late for you two – you’ll be in the public eye no matter what – but go now, and your kids stand a chance. And their kids might even be anonymous toffs.

I want rid of the monarchy for moral and political reasons, but fucks sake, monarchy is a brutal and cruel thing to inflict on your kid.

Please share on Facebook or Twitter or cut this out and drop leaflets from the sky .( But Facebook is better.)

Meghan is a good argument against the Monarchy.

Meghan is utterly eclipsing the rest of the whingey Windsors.

She’s smart. She is undeniably beautiful, she is mixed race, she is a feminist, she has a natural warmth compared to the frigid awkward one note Royal Family..

yeah…about that.

Ridiculously, one of the reasons that people are mesmerised by Meghan is that she can speak with some charm and humour. She can handle fame. She knows how to do an interview. The job of the royal family is to be smile, feign interest in ordinary people. and play up for the media.

Meghan exposes how utterly pathetic Harry, Kate, William, Charles, the Queen et al are at these fundamental aspects of their job. Think about Prince Charles and his hesitant mumbling whinges, his charisma bypass. Think of shy William blazering and balding around nodding earnestly. Watch as Harry almost shrinks when interviewed alongside his fiance…

Meghan is disruptive, albeit not on purpose.

Sycophantic royal reporters argue that she’s ‘modernising’ the Monarchy.’

No, she’s not. Her presences is exposing how drab and bad at they are at their job. Wags have dubbed the British Monarchy Celebrity Feudalism. Meghan is now the star turn. And if she is better at being a royal than the royals are….well…why don’t we follow this through and just get a load of attractive celebrities to be our figureheads ? The Netflix Crown is so much more entertaining than the British Crown. Lets just CAST them.

And recently a very nasty, reactionary tone to some of the reporting – as if HOW VERY DARE SHE COME ALONG AND BE SMARTER, BETTER LOOKING, AND BETTER AT CHARMING PEOPLE THAN OUR ENGLAND’S ROYAL FAMILY.

Uncle Andrew, what would you do if you met a young woman from America ?

Does anyone think she’ll still be here in a decade ? My objection to monarchy is primarily political, so I don’t wish unhappiness on anyone – but unlike Stepford Royal Wives – Meghan has history – a glam career in LA, with luxury friends and freedom. She’s lived a bit. She’s not a mute.

For now she’s imprisoned in a world of uptight Brits and stilted palace protocol. Obsessives watching her every move. But for the rest of her days ? Really. ? Draughty Balmoral in Aberdeenshire in 2022 ? Nope, she’ll go back to California sooner or later, and will long to see the back of the hunting, polo and public school dullard set. Maybe Harry will go with her.

So where’s the republican vitriol you’re asking ?

Of course, to anyone over 7, the whole idea of a Princess is preposterous, and a feminist Princess is an oxymoron. The ridiculous titles – I believe she’s the Duchess of Dumbarton ( here poor people, have some celebrity crumbs ) and the ostentatious wealth, clothes, wardrobe leave a bad taste. But try as I might I can’t resent Meghan the way I loathe the rest of the Windsors. In the same way that I don’t resent American tourists for being curious about royalty ( c’mon, tourism is about gawping at local oddities) but will happily mock British monarchists.

So to conclude….when the Palace burns and the royals are being forced out at the end of a pitchfork, I might get a wee selfy with Meghan – just before I lock the gates.

Our media is filled with relentless royal sycophancy. Please Facebook-asize and Tweet And Do your Shit.

Why I SUPPOSE YOU’D PREFER TONY BLAIR is a stupid thing to say….

Monarchists quickly run out of arguments when confronted with the very reasonable idea of an Elected Head of State.

So it foot stomping petulance they blurt out “Oh so I supposed you’d prefer President Blair ?”

So for clarity…

  • An elected Head of State would be elected – why do you presume your compatriots would all rush vote for a discredited figure like Blair ? Isn’t that a bit insulting ?
  • Whoever chose put themselves forward to be Head of State would face scrutiny and have to account for themselves. There would be justification. ( Emerging from a Windsor Vagina does not require anyone to explain themselves, nor volunteer )
  • Even if this unlikely scenario came to pass – President Blair – I actually WOULD prefer it, because I could campaign against him and argue that he’s not a suitable candidate and hopefully the next time the head of state electionsadolf-hitler-duke-and-duchess-of-windsortook place he would be gone. If Prince Charles confirms his status as a disastrous ol’ clown, there’s no real way his ‘subjects’ can hold him to account. Bear in mind that Edward was due to be King, and he was an Nazi Sympathiser. Only an American divorcee and his abdication saved the UK from a fascist leaning Head of State.
  • Finally look at our neighbours Ireland, they’ve had a good run of Presidents in recent years, who’ve stood up for the people, and occasionally offered guidance during national debates.

When you get into a discussion with a puce face monarchist, it’s worth sending them to this blog post when they bust out the PRESIDENT BLAIR idiocy.

Republic have a good site – Monarchy Myth Buster

And if you want to speculate about who COULD be President of the United Kingdom, here’s a little democratic pie I prepared earlier….

Scotland versus the Royal family

 

The royal family, should more accurately be called The London Royal Family. They never really leave their palaces in the exclusive parts of  London.

The (very dubious)  argument that they Are Good For Tourism should really read The Are Good For Tourism in Very Wealthy Parts of London.

There are however,  transparently patronising attempts to win favour with the ‘regions’ of their kingdom….

The Prince of Wales ( lives  in London )

The Duke of Edinburgh ( lives in London )

The Duchess of York ( lives in London )

not to mention the newly anointed…

Earl and Duchess of Dumbarton ( 175 Dumbarton Main Street – NAW !…only kidding. London. )

It’s a feeble distraction tactic by those who hold power. Could Duchess Meghan tell you a single fact about daily life in Dumbarton ?

But it is Scotland that’s most proving difficult for the PR spinners of the royal family. Because –  despite being forced to stump up £35m a year  – most Scots are not enchanted by the forelock tugging crap any more.

Rebellious Scots to Crush ( this is the 6th verse of God Save the Queen)

Some of our pals in England may wonder if Anti-Royal sentiment in Scotland is a symptom of a wider Anti-English feeling ?  Nope, not the case – for most Independently minded Scots, the idea of Independence is motivated by democratic self respect ( is Scotland a country? Yes it is. Should the people of a country have the right to elect their own government ? Yes they should. See ? ), and to mischaracterise it as Anti-English is like Gammon Gavin the golf club moron braying that Feminism Is Just An Excuse to HATE MEN.

People in Scotland (including many of the English people who live here)  want independence as a means to change society for the better.

dce3e43685081036e49c23057f2f9370

That week in the marines where Edward won all those medals. And his kilt.

And whilst the SNP leadership characterise an Independent Scotland as retaining the Monarchy, it’s fig leaf-  essentially trying to keep an older, more shortbread strain of Scottish electorate on board. Even campaigners for Scottish Independence don’t want to make Monarchy a foreground issue, because, why frighten off the hesitant pensioners and Sunday Post readers ?

But there’s very little love for the royal family in Scotland.

 

There was just ONE party in the entire country for Harry & Meghan’s wedding. There was no bunting for any of the royal weddings recently.  When a brand new edfd3e6a2ffb48b690140ed589e16280--scottish-independence-princeGlasgow Hospital was named after the queen, over 16,000 people signed a petition to object ( wrote about it here  ). The Scotland fans sang ‘Oh I’d rather have a Panda Than A Prince.” Only 41% of Scots are supportive.

So what can the Royal Family do ? Prince Charles regularly dreary’s himself up in a kilt and writes crappy tales about Lochnigar, but the effect is patronising, rather than ingratiating. It reminds Scots of The Laird, the Hunting Shooting and Fishing class who own Scotland with the result that  the landscape  is deserted so that they can gammon together and shoot things.

Central to all this is Balmoral. The Aberdeenshire castle has always been a key part of the Royals Love Scotland narrative.  When the royals stay at Balmoral, a piper plays outside every morning to wake them. So you know, they’re in touch with what life is like for people in Glasgow. In fact, the very romanticised, pantomime image of Scotland that Queen Victoria confected -has held Scotland back for years. We bought the Balmoralification of our culture, but not any more.

queennazi

Enchanting picture of the Queen at learning Bal-morality as a kid

The Firm also have an oncoming generational problem – do we really think that Harry and William will want to spend every wet September in rural Aberdeenshire ? I very much doubt it. An attempt to win favour was made by sending Prince William to St Andrews – and this is emphasised on every occasion – but St Andrews is hardly typical of Scottish life. Anyway, he didn’t like it.

And most significantly of all, the Queen politically interfered in the most important democratic event in Scotland’s modern history. The one rule of being a ceremonial monarch is don’t abuse your position.

She abused her position. Remember that.

None of this is tangible in the Relentless Grovel Fest that passes for royal journalism, but it’s happening on the ground. We’re on the road to a Scottish Republic ! ( but shhh…don’t tell anyone )

Everyone, across the UK, is welcome to my 2025 Balmoral Scotland Republic Party ( hopefully in the next 5 years ). We’ll put on Prince Charles’s old kilts and drink malt whisky and rifle through the attic searching for Seig Heil pictures.

Everyday is Royal Propaganda Day in the Media. But NOW you’re gonna RT this or Facebookise it or be Luke Skywalker engaging with The Force for the first time.

Share please & follow @unroyalreporter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The BBC & the Royal Family

The World-wide-web-super-highway is filled with angry people who foam and rage against the BBC. And yours truly, is not one of them. Public service broadcasting is a rare  and fragile thing, and though hugely flawed – don’t @ me – the BBC should be defended and saved from its worst impulses  ( otherwise it’s privatised telly –  Fox News & ITN for us all, for ever).

But royalty brings out the worst in the BBC. The broadcaster is at its most servile and unctuous, never kneeling when it can lie on the ground and drool at the green wellies of the nearest Windsor.

The royal fawning  is incessant and relentless. Every day, some trivial ephemera about Das Windsors No angle is too silly. Never hold power to account when you can grovel. It’s constantly reinforced – Everything The Royal Family Do is deemed Significant Enough To Be Celebrated.

Look below at the BBC’s Royal Charter – it’s  one of those establishment documents that tells you nothing but at the same time tells your everything….

charter

This is supposed to be a modern country

 

After the Hey-nonny-nonny-nonsense it states:

the BBC should accurately and authentically represent and portray the lives of the people of the United Kingdom today, and raise awareness of the different cultures and alternative viewpoints that make up its society.

So far so good. Hurrah for ‘alternative’ points of view. But  the charter then goes on to say…

The BBC should bring people together for shared experiences and help contribute to the social cohesion and wellbeing of the United Kingdom.

So Royal Weddings, Births, Speechifying, Deaths, Tours = shared experiences that are deemed to help contribute to social cohesion. And by social cohesion, I think what’s implied is docility. Circuses for everyone ( but you can read about the bread ).

Despite the fact that the majority don’t care about events like royal weddings, the BBC go to Def Fawn 1. Everything any royal commentator says is treated as completely credible, and the rarely  moments when a sceptical voice is invited to contribute, they are treated with scorn and their logical observations reacted to as if they were outrageous.

These days ‘National’ events are consolidated by almost weekly feudal porn likeseries The Queen: A Passion For Horses or Prince Charles dedicating an hour long episode of Countryfile to how great he is…, or even Prince Harry taking over The Today Programme.

Occasionally, something mildly contextualising will come up – such as a series called Reinventing the Royals -but it was pulled at the last minute, then broadcast 6 weeks later, after the royals had neutered any interesting content.

Do the BBC employ censors monitoring it’s output for the slightest hint of republican sentiment? Naw, they Make Staff do It Themselves. And so, critical voices get no airtime, and even journalists who cringe at what it does to the corporations credibility, must play along. I can’t imagine a senior BBC reporter being allowed to do what Michael Crick does here…

Royal Footage held by the BBC is strictly controlled (  editorial  compliance forms require producers to state if they plan to use any royal footage and in what context, which then has to be sanctioned ) – hence no repeat screenings for cringefests like  It’s a Royal Knockout.

The sad truth is the BBC is essential and complicit in the continuation of reverence for the Royal Family. They, more than anyone else, frame the narrative. Without BBC coverage, the monarchy fades away.

There is some hope. The BBC didn’t bother to cover Princess Andrews Daughter And that Posh Tequila Face guy’s wedding, which though hardly revolutionary, at least shows that public opinion can shift the dial a notch. And, amidst the 30 separate BBC Website updates – there was one that was at least not cheering but factual….

 

The point is, the BBC is suppose to reflect a diversity of opinion. It’s Your BBC, not just the 1%’s BBC. So rattle the cages. Visibly show disdain towards all this grovelling.

So please follow on twitter (@unroyalreporter) or share this CyberSemtex on Facebook and get into arguments with Fat Jeremy the Royalist in your office.

 

 

Top 5 BBC Royal Grovels

Barely a day goes by, with out some bum-clenching toadying nonsense about the royal family broadcast on the BBC. It’s relentless and it’s brain rot for the vulnerable.

Lets see what the BBC thinks we really need to know…

Woman Closes Door –  The BBC reported that a Woman closed a car door. Alert the Pulitzer committee.Screen Shot 2018-09-26 at 20.31.43.png

Boring Posh Couple Get on Tube – The BBC fawned at the very idea that Chaz n Dazed stepped out of their Bentley and deigned to slum it..

BBC Presenter Gleefully excuses Queen’s racism  – here, the BBC suddenly have an interesting royal story so…they quickly sweep it under the carpet. A grovelling guest recounts the time where the Queen met a foreign ambassador and declares   ‘I thought I was talking to a gorilla’. BBC Presenter, gives nervous hoot and describes such blatent xenophobia as  ‘cheeky’.  Will I Am doesn’t look too impressed.

If a working class person had said speaking to a foreign ambassador was like ‘talking to a gorilla’ on BBC1, can you imagine the outrage?

 

The Queen Lobbied The Home Secretary to Have A Man She Didn’t Like Deported – Wow – an actual news story. – not many  Abu Hanza fans about – but still the queen shouldn’t be interfering in justice like some Daily Mail gammon should she ?

WAIT….the BBC reached for it’s forelock & quickly APOLOGISED to the queen for daring to report an interesting insight.  Scoops 0  Sycophancy 1

Child Grows Up – Prince George is 1. Prince George Is 2. Prince George is 3. Prince George is 4. Prince George is 5.  – don’t bother clicking the links – I can assure you it’s a dull read. And, y’know, it’s sort of creepy – this child presented to us as if it’s the new Blue Peter dog.  Child Deprived of Normal Upbringing to Serve As Cute Mascot for Feudalism is a not a story I can find anywhere on the BBC.

The point is….it’s RELENTLESS.

And psychologically, it seeps in – the point is Everything That Posh Rich People Do is Very Important.

It’s not.

They’re not.

And this world of royal fetishists is right wing Jacob Rees Mogg culture, drip fed to the masses.

What can you do ? Share this article on Facebook & Twitter and print it off and slide it under the cubicle if you see Nicholas Witchell going for a royal poo.

nicholas-witchell-large

masticating for the royals

( update: I am going to add a list of unbelievably trivial royal stories as the bbc continue to publish them)

 

23rd  October – Prince harry drank something  People seemed pleased.

22nd October – a few people with red hair like Prince Harry. THANK YOU PUBLIC SERVICE BROADCASTERS MY LICENSE FEE HAS BEEN WELL INVESTED

18th October – Royal tour Non-Events.  They saw some things, she looked pretty. Lap it up proles.

17th October – In this truely moronic and dire report, some oul’ Aussie who won’t even go to see the royals, mouths some banal platitudes about the royals. This is utterly utterly dire. Why even publish this?

17th October – Boy rubs beard. 4th headline

14th November Prince CHarles likes posh food

Christmas Day – dull family go to church as usual

16th January – posh woman says some shit about pizzas

26 January – Queen plays game.

 27th February – woman speaks a bit differently

The Royal Family – above the law…

Some otherwise reasonable and savvy people, are are Mushy  Monarchists.

They talk the talk politically, but reserve the right to flop on the couch and wallow in a  a tedious documentary about the Queen’s best pals all being horses.

The Mushy Monarchists  justification runs thus…’oh come on it’s harmless pageantry and flags & good ol’ British tradition’. Such nonsense lets the upper classes sentimentalise inequality  & repackage unpleasant snobbishness as charming character traits.

But this whimsical narrative is shattered when members of the royal family are revealed to be above the law, meddling  and arrogant.

6476410131_6d93dc6eef_b

I’ll be the Judge

The laws don’t apply to the Windsors. Under UK law, the Sovereign cannot be prosecuted. Or even questioned apparently.

Prince Charles has long hung out with some dubious characters. Despite some desperate spinning by royal PR, Prince Charles’s  long friendship with Jimmy Savile is undeniable, his life guru Laurens Van Der Post impregnated a 14 year old girl ( lets not forget that Savile-and-Charles-660x553Van Der Post is Prince William’s godfather ). Recently, Charles sympathised with abusive bishop Peter Bell, lamenting the ‘monstrous wrongs that have been done to you’. He  gave the Abusive Bishop money, and then a house “not too far from here so you can come over more easily”. Aww. That’s nice.

Of course none of this association implies Prince Charles himself is guilty of anything so sinister – I am politically opposed to The Windsors, but no-one should be accused of anything so toxic unless there’s compelling evidence. So to be clear, I am not amongst the wilder fringes of the net insinuating against Charles.

But clearly, the legal process does not hold them to account.

Here we have a man who  no-one can question, but he readily admits he was deceived. A man who’s always ready to lecture us on ‘duty’, but REFUSED to give a legal statement to the Independent Inquiry on Child Sexual Abuse.

Think about that for a second. An inquiry who’s stated aim is to ensure that children get ‘the care and protection from sexual abuse they need and deserve, now and in the future.’

Charles and legal staff REFUSE. A statement implies swearing an oath – and Charles lawyers shrugged, and said the court couldn’t compel him to release a statement. Why are they so concerned ?

Instead, they send a long letter, full of equivocation and ‘can’t remembers’ which was read out to everyones dissatisfaction.

One of the many things Charles couldn’t remember was who he was referring to in his letters when he told the Bishop he would  ‘see off this horrid man if he tries anything again’. How convenient.

After Savile, wasn’t there a collective moment when a shocked UK resolved that in the future, no stone would be left unturned, no matter who it upset ? Apparently not.

Before I bang the cyber gavel, , here’s a list of royal incidents where the current crop got away with it…

Prince Andrew rams gates to avoid 1 mile detour ( completely fine ).

Prince Harry out shooting, rare birds of prey shot in area…( nothing to see)

Prince Andrew goes to small house in London to meet with 17 year old girl who was trafficked across the Atlantic by a convicted paedophile ( seems legit )

_38495201_sketch150In fact the only court case where a member of Royal Family was held to account was when Princess Anne’s dog attacked a 7 year old and 12 year old, biting them on the collarbone and leg. Penalties for this crime could be a £5000 fine, 6 months in jail, and having the dog put down. Anne was told to pay £250 to each of the traumatised kids ( there’s no mention of an apology anywhere). The child biting bull terrier went home to eat steak. But a ended up eating one of the Queen’s corgis.

If you’re wanna be in the cool gang with the cool kids, please share this post on the Information Super Highway.

Royal Wedding Disruption Tool kit.

banksylondres

On Saturday, two wealthy people I’ve never met get married.  I hope they’re happy with one another and enjoy their Swan Cake. Hope a fight breaks out and Uncle Andrew doesn’t paw any vulnerable teenagers who’ve flown over on private jets.

It’s hard being a UK republican and fighting against feudalism when all it’s bling is blazing. We’re cast as th Ancient Mariner, cornering the wedding guests – And till my ghastly tale is told / this heart within me burns

However, the entire circus will be used to ram monarchy down our throats,   cementing  the idea that we all love the upper classes, that we are all in awe of gold tiaras, that we all adore gazing up at the gammon and tugging our forelock…

It’s blatantly political, and should be resisted.

So here’s some online ammo

HASHTAGS: I can’t figure out a catchy one yet – #meh, #feudalnotfairytale,  #breadnotcircuses #notwatching and of course #Republicnow. Tweet me more suggestions. Using the nauseating #royalwedding hashtag is encouraged to get out of our bubbles.

Here’s a link to the £32m COST

( also worth pointing this out when the inevitable retort comes that these events pay from themselves that…they don’t )

The homeless moved of the streets. I can’t think of a more apt and embarassing metaphor. Get out of the way Real Poor. We’re going to shove you  and your unsightly poverty out of the way and replace you with Useful Idiots who’ll cheer for the very system that oppresses.  It’s like something from Oscar Wilde’s The Happy Prince.

BBC coverage – here’s some embarrassing BBC coverage from previous royal events where the presenter hoots with laughter at the queens racism. Imagine David Jason had told that story about a darts player or someone. There would have been stony silence.

The tourist nonsense – easily rebutted on the excellent Republic Win the Argument site.

The Yougov poll that found 66% of us were not interested in Royal Wedding

Please tweet and Facebook. The BBC and media are determined to only feature obsequeious. By ignoring a very valid political objection, they are insulting us. I’ll be off watching Celtic.

And every time they say ‘The Nation has royal fever’ or ‘everyone is excited’ etc  – they count us ALL as dribbling monarchists. Be insulted. Be noisy. Be Funny. Be daft. Be smart

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6 total cringers the Royal Family hope Meghan won’t find out about…

Hi Meghan, glad you found the site.

Congrats on getting engaged to that bloke. In my opinion, he’s punching above his weight, but hey, I hope you’re happy.

But there’s one or two things you might need to know…

  1. Historically, the royals were always pretty keen on fascism…the historical c67d919949265b19de42953cbe3a765crecord shows it was only due to the last American Divorcee (OMG!)   to marry  a prince that the UK avoided being ruled by a Nazi sympathising King. The Queen mum was also fond of Cecil Rhodes and various other white supremacists, and yes, the queen did throw a Sieg Heil as a child. And god knows what else they’ve hidden. However if you were to propose a documentary to the BBC to scrutinise the Windsor’s toxic political opinions…they’ll suggest  some sycophantic drivel with Claire Balding and horse frottage.
  2. Prince Charles thinks spraying coffee up the bum will cure cancer – Ok, this is a somewhat provocative interpretation, but Charles ( 2 A levels) did lecture medical professionals and recommend coffee enemas.  Your Fathe- in-law to be is a proud ‘enemy of the enlightenment’  ( if you want to be amazed by his gullibility look up his intellectual guru – and indeed Prince William’s god father – Laurens Van Der Post )
  3. They are awash with dodgy money – us serfs pay for the royals, but guess what – we’re not allowed to know ANYTHING about what they do with the dough. Even when the Queen was recently caught out trying to hide money from…er…Her majesty’s tax inspectors.

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    You Are Not Allowed To Know

  4. . Prince Andrew and Fergie  raked in £15 million for their minging house ( £3m above the asking price ), and the new owners  – the son in law of  a horrific Kazakhstan dictator – were so delighted with their property, they ignored it for 8 years then knocked it down! Prince Andrew then personally pressurised the head of Coutts bank to take on the dictator as a client. Fancy that !
  5. Prince Harry cheated at his exams. An art teacher at Eton was expected to do some of Harry’s written work for his art exams and  other teachers created the paintings he submitted.   Poor Miss Forsyth was sacked from the posh school on the most  dubious grounds – that she was not cut out for teaching older boys “in the Eton context”. Perhaps she had the temerity to question the integrity of this. Turned out the teacher had a tape of Prince Harry talking to her about her doing the project ( where he admitted he wrote “about a sentence”) , and an employment tribunal ruled entirely in her favour –  Prince Harry had cheated, Eton has dubious integrity and she was awarded £45k in costs.
  6. Whilst the Corgis are fed steak from a silver platter, they may  suggest you horse_mask_left_fronteat horses….When it emerged in 2013 that Tesco burgers ( y’know, the type of thing poor taxpayers buy? ) had horsemeat in them, Princess Anne showed her sensitive side by proclaiming that, actually more subjects should eat horse.  And  by the way those corgis are served their fine steak in order of seniority. I shit you not –  even the corgi’s are subject to hierarchy.  The queen lives on a diet of pure swan foam. FACT.
  7. You Meghan… are a feminist ( hurrah, at last, someone with an opinion other than I like the army ). Maybe you could have a conversation with Harry’s uncle – Prince Andrew was involved in the trafficking a vulnerable 17 year old , sent to London, by a paedophile,  for the express purpose of spending time with him. The girl in question said she was exploited by royalty. There’s no funny punchline. We pay for him, is the punchline, but that’s just a dismal and pathetic illustration of how little power we have….

All of the above is well known, but rarely spoken about.

But it’s worth reminding the world.

So please share on Facebook & Twitter or print out and pin up in the local Royal Legion.

Welcome to the Firm Meghan.

Reasons to be cheerful

Making the case against the Monarchy often  feels like pissing into royal wind. Because, to my astonishment, most people have an (unexamined) sentimental attachment to this feudal circus.

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Not weirdos

Even obvious royal disasters like the queen interfering in the Scottish referendum or when the Windsors  could barely manage to squeeze out a tear between them  when poor oul Princess-Of-Hearts-England’s Rose In the Wind died…these awkward historical facts are hastily glossed over. Or sympathetically re-imagined featuring Helen Mirren.

Forlocks are tugged. Grovelling returns.

So for the rebel alliance, it often feels like things will never change – and indeed that is the point of the whole charade  – for us plebs gaze at the palaces with half wit wonder and understand that They are  immovable –  THE ROCK OF MONARCHY on which the glorious UK caste system is constructed.

But then, things never change until they do.

So here’s a couple of republican reasons to be cheerful…

They try to pretend that Queeny is  a near deity like in her existence,  but she’s human. And she’s going to the Great Royal Enclosure in the sky soon enought  (and please, be prepared for an orgy of orchestrated sad face ). And whilst I won’t cheer the death of another person,  nor will I feel any sense of loss.Nor should you. You don’t know her either.

Which brings us to the First republican reason to be cheerful – that Charles is next in line, and he is clearly a pitiful ol’ toff with a head full of broken biscuits.

Please feel free to exercise your Republican Anti-Charles muscles here. He’s an unsympathetic character, he’s clumsy, he’s dull.

The second  reason is that Harry Windsor’s said something genuinely intriguing –  that not one of the Unremarkable Windsor Family actually wants to wear the crown, and that he nearly ran away from the circus.

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Amazing. A FREE MAGIC DINOSAUR EGG!

This is not as satisfying a finale as you and I doing wheelies  round the palace corridors whilst raiding the wine cellars, but we would accept their surrender.

Monarchy is  a form of child abuse – not as some of the rumour-mongers would have it – but as in, being a royal kid is being brought up as a freak, with no options, no real freedom to grow, and surrounded by flunkeys.  12 year old Harry was forced to stiff upper lip behind his mother’s coffin. C’mon, that’s pretty traumatising. (Interesting that Chazza never even got a ‘thanks Dad’ in same interview)

And thirdly,  the role of the right wing media is declining.  For years the monarchy has  received relentlessly fawning coverage in the newspapers. But who, under the age of 30, buys a newspaper? Social media is doesn’t do pull out souvenir specials.

And there’s only so many hammy Ant’n’Dec specials the royals can do.

So make your voice heard – tweet, facebook, declare yourself a republican. The only other option is to behave as if we already are a republic. When no-one watches royal specials, when no-one turns up at visits, then they’re already gone….

And finally….a self declared, proud republican very nearly became PM.  Fancy that !

And to continue our rebellion …you could….y’know….share a link to this blog on Facebook or Tweeter ?

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Ready for the revolution compadres.

 

 

 

 

 

A republican watches The Crown

One of the things that Monarchists take pride in, is the pageantry of Monarchy.

The jewels, the palaces, the robes, the titles, the kneeling, curtseying, the portraits, the gold, the wedding, the wealth, the glistening tears trickling down Diana’s soft cheeks…*sniff*

Even I will concede that a few idealistic republicans (UK) frothing around in donkey jackets brandishing witty placards can’t hope compete with that kind of upper class spectacle..

It’s  all deliberately  theatrical,  completely childish, invented tradition and of course, gruesomely  compelling

So it’s no wonder dramatists lap up the torrid tale of The Windsor family.

And on holiday – forgive me Rebel Alliance – I watched The Crown.

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your critic

It’s brilliantly made, expensive and reeks of fags and bitterness. The cinematographer makes the palaces look damp and depressing, perhaps even like prisons ( the characters are often silhouetted against windows). At £100m for a series, it’s expensive – though of course, at £334m per year, yer real life less exciting monarchy costs us all more ( and entertains us less).

And to my surprise – there is just a hint of skepticism in The Crown.

Amidst all the palace porn & landrovers, there’s the argument that the Monarchy is actually more damaging to the Windsor Family than anyone else. These people are locked in a never ending feudal freak show – they can’t marry who they want, they have to spend a life idiotically waving at plebs and being bovine (which, admittedly, the real Windsors do very well.)

The writer Peter Morgan said in an interview with Radio Times – “That’s the imprisonment of the institution. And the suffering of the family ripples out from the crown, inflicting profound abuse on people upon whom it’s assumed it only projects luxury. It’s a hideous thing for them,” he says, “but as a drama it’s got everything.”

This isn’t the most potent argument against the Monarchy, but The Crown milks the ‘Trapped-in-a-Golden-Cage’ trope for all it’s worth.

On a daily basis, the lumpen masses are encouraged to venerate the  demi-gods of the royal family, but this drama tries to humanise them. That’s what counts for royal subversion on TV these days.

Of course, subjects can’t hope for too much. The drama is entirely in sympathetic with the Windsor family and falls into the category of “It’s Hard Living A Life Of Extraordinary Privilege” that will appeal to the Downton viewers in Ohio. It’s said the royals like it. I’m sure they do. Peter Morgan, already has a CBE for services to drama. So he’s already shown he’s happy to be in the Establishment Petting Zoo.

Screen Shot 2017-06-01 at 12.58.17And  yet en route The Crown exposes the stiff, starched idiocy of Monarchy – that Princess Margaret can’t marry some dull bloke, it hints at Phil the Greek being a shagger, and gradually reveals that – who knew – being walled up in a palace for your whole life damages those within.

This is a useful trope for republicans to remember when Big Geoff in the office mutters ‘oh leave them alone’.

The people who make the royal family’s life a misery are… monarchists.

These dullards wet their pants when someone takes a photograph of a royal kiddy, then buy the newspapers and announce their disapproval.

They are the people who always want more, more, more  – fawning and clapping dumbly at every royal burp and fart.

If you really want to make Prince George and you want him to lead as ‘normal a life as possible’ then leave them alone.

Let the Windsor family go off and be boring toffs and hunt foxes without us having to pay for them.

Sympathy for the Windsors  ? Become a Republican.

My message to you today….

one-amused-guide-queen-many-facesEven amongst those Who Should Know Better,  the received wisdom is that The Queen Never Puts a Foot Wrong.

Maybe its Lizzie’s shoes. ( this article explains that some poor fat  peasant actually breaks in the queen’s shoes and  – I shit you not – ‘The Queen does not perspire’ )

Or maybe….just maybe…this is She’s OUR PERFECT QUEEN all  part of the utterly risible establishment guff ? Part of the way the forelock tuggers constantly & relentlessly usher away  an inconvenient pattern of royal contempt for ordinary folk.

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Say what you like about royal reporters, Nicholas Witchell is a BLOODY GEM

Lets look at  oul’ Betty Windsor and her “faultless” Queening.

She Doesn’t Interfere In Politics : She’s completely neutral. In  a Lives In a huge mansion / surrounded by sycophants / loves hunting / staggering wealth given to her for nothing / embodies rigid hierarchy and sentimentalises class  inequality- kind of way. “Our”  neutral national figurehead is a green welly-ed range rover driving hunting shooting fishing type married to a xenophobic bully and daughter of ‘Alf Garnet in a Tiara‘ who is paraded about in diamonds and a golden carriage.

OK you can argue that’s just cultural politics. One doesn’t actually interfere in the political process does One ?  I mean….apart from the BBC’s revelation (followed by snivelling  apologetic retraction) about her lobbying the Home Secretary to arrest Abu Hanza ? And apart from the Scottish referendum ? And the sacking of the Australian prime minister ?

These are just the instances we know about. What does she moan about to bowing & curtsying  Prime Ministers in her weekly audience ?  ( think about that for a minute) Do you think that you’d make small talk about the corgis ? Lets face it. She can, and has, and will interfere in politics in ways we’ll never know about.

She’s Brilliant at Being Queen: Well, compared to  who? If your job is to wave and smile

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Never puts a foot – or arm -wrong.

for 40 minutes twice a week…she seems a bit….sulky looking to me.  Cold. Distant. Stiff. I don’t need my Head of State to be weeping and embracing like an X Factor Finalist, but it’s kind of weird that the only display of genuine emotion was when her taxpayer funded yacht was taken away.

All Elizabeth Windsor really has to do is not offend people for 40 minutes during her dull visits. During one of the many BBC tug-your-forelock-fests, the queen’s ‘legendary’  ( © all papers all the time, no evidence ) sense of humour was recalled as she referred to ambassador’s from another country as ‘a gorilla’ ( no racism there then ).  Clap. Clap. Clap. And lets face it, those sulky dull Christmas Messages are hardly a masterclass in charismatic communication.

1877-newspaper-headlines-palace-makeover-or-369m-splurgeEven on a practical side, she’s terrible at being Managing the Monarchy – that’s why you, and I, and everyone else is about to cough up  £369m to repair the palaces that she has let fall into neglect ( the Sovereign Grant is supposed to pay towards maintenance of palaces, not £8m helicopters for your idle grandchildren ).

She even had the cheek to try to take money from funds meant for the poor.

I have no problems with Elizabeth Windsor being elected queen, if that’s what the people want. But please don’t get your union jack knickers in a twist telling me she’s a brilliant queen. You’ve no idea if she’s a brilliant queen.

Davina might be better at waving, smiling and breeding than Regina. But we have no choice. Nothing to compare Mrs Windsor to.

So there you go.

Her Christmas Message will always be the same.

The message is always…. posh people are in control.  From the palaces you pay for, they’ll tell you that the army are great and that they’ve had a tough year.

This is tradition plebs,so don’t question it.

Merry Christmas !

 

Relentless royal rubbish…

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The pinnacle of british genes

The Windsor family  cost us an estimated £334m.

A couple of days a week, they do comfy cushion 45 minute visits  but it’s hardly Real Work

They feed their dogs steak from silver trays ( according to rank, even corgis are subject to snobbery ).

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Any colour, as long as it’s fawn

And now, fellow serfs –  bless your lucky forelock  – you are being offered the chance to Clean For the Queen. Get onto your knees Britain… for the approval of someone who believes that every single one of you are inherently and justifiably beneath her.

Not for your community, not for the environment, not for wildlife. But to impress a sour faced old  aristocrat who lives in a palace filled with servants.  Oh  whilst you’re  down there grovelling …can you grab that rusty Tennant’s Super can and those Wotsit wrappers…?

And just to underline the unimpeachable integrity of the idea,  Clean for the Queen sponsors include…McDonalds, Greggs, Wrigley, Costa – yeah shut your lefty critical mouth, you CANNOT criticise any of those companies for contributing to the  litter problem can you ? ( 3% of all litter is fast food related and chewing gum costs a fortune to remove).

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Wrigley, keeping the queens highway clean

Fair-pay-for-royal-cleaners

It’s also worth remembering that those who Did Clean for the Queen had to fight to get a living wage. Maybe she expected them to work for free too.

Occasionally, at Revolting Subject Rebel Command, I think that I’ve spotted the exhaust port in the Royal Death star, and with one republican X wing torpedo, the whole feudal circus will go kaboom ( Princess Leah is allowed to be a princess until the medals are dispersed, but then she must change her name to BunFace McGinty ). And Clean For the Queen feels monumentally  unjust.

Think about it – to bail out the banks ( = the super-rich) vast amounts have been cut from  essential front line services. The super-rich royals got a 29% pay rise last year. But local councils who clean up the streets ? Cuts, cuts, cuts. The whole Clean for the Queen idea is predicated on the failed ‘Big Society’ premise –  ruddy faced toffs at the top of the class pyramid cajole the underlings to clean up for their viewing pleasure ?

The taxes you pay no longer fund binmen and street sweepers – increasingly, it subsidises the lives of the super rich, the private jets, the unaccountable… [ good Monbiot article on tax here]. So services suffer. Clean up serfs. If you don’t a TV documentary crews  will turn up and mock the poorest in society for  living in squalor.

This isn’t directly the fault of the Windsors of course. But they’re part of this horrible,stinking, vile, social conditioning. Some will fall for it – the Keep Calm and Carry On deference is hard to root out from British culture. But  social media allows us to howl at the dumbness of such an approach, to say to the 70 mps – the very MPs who are cutting local authority cleaning budgets – show some concern for the ordinary people rather than sniffing around for gongs and publicity you shameless self centred imbeciles.

Here’s an alternative suggesting: Queen for the Clean Up – announce that the queen will be the last monarch, gently wind down all tax & state support for the Windsor family, give them a palace and couple of horses and let them live a yah lifestyle elsewhere.

Clean out the cynical anti-democratic House of Lords, the dusty posh landowners and sycophantic bauble chasers.

Get off your knees and clean up democracy.

Here. Sign a petition.

Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh THAT WILL DO IT !

EMBARRASSING TRANSPARENT PLEA FOR RTs: There are hundreds of uncritical  royal correspondents, hours of Ant n Dec fawning, BBC sycophancy, and  an army of civil servants paid for by your tax dedicated to selling the royal circus as harmless fun. So if you can share this post via Facebook or Twitter ( or elsewhere) then it’ll make you cyber Che Guevara.

cheselleck-111

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s no evidence oul Queeny is lovely….

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Little Maam

“She’s lovely” & “she seems really normal” are the two absurd responses from Forelock Tuggers Who’ve Met the Queen.

Of course, if the BBC stuck a mic under some plebs nose  and they scratched their head and announced “She seemed a bit cold and aloof and I didn’t enjoy feeling like a little person” then they’ll never make the daily 6 o’clock fawnfest. That’s the way vox-pops work – it’s about confirming a red courduroy establishment view and the less you know the about the subject the more weight is given to your response. It’s fundamentally patronising to viewer and person being interviewed (ergo it’s perfect for Royal Coverage)

Anyway, there it is.  A sacred totem of royal coverage.

The Queen, is lovely.

There’ll be the occasional critic of Charles, and even William these days, but the Queen is UNCRITICISABLE.

*clears throat*

Firstly, lets have some sympathy for ol’ Elizabeth. As Johann Hari wisely argues, Monarchy Damages Everyone the Windsor Family. She was walled up in a palace from the

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don’t buy The Sun. Written by the posh, to fool the thick, into hating the poor.

moment she was born.  Her uncle – the man who would be King – taught her how to salute the admired Mr Hitler whilst her father was reduced to stammering wreck  when he had to become King ( The Kings Speech is a well made film, but it is fiction ).

Being in the monarchy meant that Lizzy had no pals, didn’t go to school, and was not allowed to behave like a normal kid. She hung out with horses and corgis.  She was inspecting  military regiments by the time she was 16 (  I was slow dancing to Frankie Goes to Hollywood Power of Love with Sally McChristie in my Wranglers when I was 16 . And that was nerve wracking ).

But maybe that’s enough sympathy. This bizarre life warped her.

The Monarchy can’t have it both ways – you criticise the institution and people say “stop it… the queen is lovely’. You criticise the individual members of the Windsor clan and apologists say “it’s not fair to attack them”.

So lets look at some of the queen’s history for evidence of loveliness…

Consider this: When Charles was just 5 years old, the queen went on a royal tour for…6 MONTHS. Then, when she returned, she spent 4 days dealing with paperwork and then a day at the races before she saw poor oul’ Chuck – and then….SHE SHOOK HIS HAND. No wonder Charles is a dithering shuffling basket case.

For more evidence of prince charles’s ‘mummy’  see this Johann Hari article from Independent points out –

“Anthony Jay, who scripted the documentary Elizabeth R, explains: “She’s one of those people who is deeply unemotional. For people who are emotionally detached in that way, institutions become more important than families. The Queen’s children were handed over to nannies, and a kind of emotional cauterisation took place. Something was sealed off very early. For her, that is a strength. If she were emotionally involved, she couldn’t do her job.”

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*weeps*

Despite the cinematic revisionist history, the queen didn’t appear to be upset by the death of Diana, and in fact rigidly stuck to cold protocol until the Blairite government poked her ( Camilla like ) with it’s touchy feely  stick and told her to get her royal arse emoting. Dead daughter-in-law ?  Cold non reaction ( until told ). For royal yacht britannia – public weeping.

The press often celebrate her casual unpleasantness – with that wry-end-of-the-bulletin-newsreader-smirk…

For example, Royal protection officers  who’s  job description  -lets not forget –  is to throw their body onto a grenade if anyone were to attack the queen, made her “furious” by…er… nibbling some of the taxpayer funded nuts left out in bowls in Buckingham palace.

Then there are news stories such as this – the queen being so impatient she couldn’t wait for some toddlers to move aside for her jaguar – had  this been about any other aristocrat or celebrity, the tabloids would be lining up experts from the AA to condemn her driving. Instead the Mirror still managed to spin it as Brilliant Royals.

Then there’s the fact that she makes her family curtsy, bow and grovel to her and each other, as she strictly enforces etiquette and protocol. Most people give their granny a hug or at least make a nice cup of tea. The queen makes her family bow to her.

And just..generally. She never looks happy, she looks grumpy, bored, disinterested in the life of gilded privilege and opportunity she was born into. At least an elected head of state would be there of their own volition.

So anyway, every time someone opines The Queen Is Lovely. Stand up and shout  NO SHES HORRIBLE and slam the door as you leave the room. This will help the Republican cause enormously.

FINAL SCORE

Seemed Like A Lovely Old Woman 0

Seems Like a Damaged Old Snob 5

[ whiney voice: every day, almost every paper publishes some sycophantic drivel about the Windsor family. Please tweet & facebook this article as a pathetic act of republican defiance]

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Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1899

 

 

 

 

 

The magical Windsor Vagina.

To become the head of state in Britain, you basically have to emerge from the vagina of someone called Windsor. That’s yer qualifications right there.

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This woman made a cake of George. Brain like a sponge.

Ability, talent, intelligence, desire, diplomatic skills, wisdom, looks, popularity  – who needs these qualities in a head of state ? Not us ! We’ve got DAS WINDSORS. As I’m fond of blurting out after a few bottles of Frosty Jacks – the thickest, laziest, sleaziest royal is  automatically granted more influence & wealth than the hardest working, smartest, coolest working class kid could ever earn.

And by that I mean your kid too. This seems blatantly unfair. They know it.

So the royals like to pretend that they’re a diverse bunch. That there’s a rich  and diverse gene pool of talent surrounding the crown. As oppose to a bunch of unimpressive dim toffs spawned from one unremarkable family in the wealthiest part of London.

Charles Mountbatten Windsor is known as: His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland.

The media often cravenly mutter “In Scotland,  where Prince Charles is Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 21.20.47known as the Duke of Rothesay…“. Er….to be honest, when I nip out for a pint in Glasgow he’s known as that useless tosspot in the barbour jacket.

Andrew Mountbatten Windsor – pretends his name is The Duke of York or In Scotland he’s called The Earl of Inverness. He’s not.  Of course if you want to use the less formal term you can call him The One With The Paedophile Friend Who Meets With Trafficked Young Girls For Disgusting Exploitative Reasons. See here.

William ( “Wills” ) is Prince William Arthur Philip Louis Mountbatten Windsor is  The Duke of Cambridge ( he doesn’t live in Cambridge). Harry has “WALES” on his uniform, but that’s not his name. The Duke of Edinburgh isn’t seen in Leith much.

Of course, even the  Windsors are a confection to keep  popular with the plebs. They were the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha family until 1917, when they became the Windsors to hide their Germanic roots (this is pointed out not from xenophobia, but to highlight how certain Eternal Traditions are quickly ignored if it saves their skin ). I’d imagine the Mountbatten will be being discretely dropped….

They’re dull. They’re snobs. Despite a compliant media who do everything they can to create the illusion of a diverse and multiskilled dynamic royal family, reality bites.

They’re a bunch of dull old bores who sit on their arse most of the time. Prince Charles even has a cushion man to ensure his arse is comfortable.

Screen Shot 2015-11-18 at 21.00.26And every time they complain about media intrustion into their private lives, remember that it is the monarchy is the one obsessed with bloodlines…

So who they sleep with…is fair game.

That’s the price one pays for insisting that the finest way to choose a head of state is to finda kinda regina vagina.

Please RT & Facebook Share. I don’t have relentless grovelling media toadys to disseminate such subversion…..]

 

 

 

 

Glasgow versus the Queen

In Scotland, there’s a bit of a smart thing going on.

1277678_608923449148847_770556601_oDuring the referendum Scotland started questioning everything, trying to figure out, from scratch What’s Important For A (Reborn) Country. And even though, in the end,  Scots opted to stay in the UK, the country had got the hang of the idea of interrogating the assumptions of the powerful.

This year, the Scottish Government completed a new hospital in Glasgow, the header_nsghc_wide_01biggest in the country. The entire £842m cost was  financed by the Scottish taxpayer, built on time, and without some lame brain PFI malarky. Glasgow, and Scotland is proud of it.

Then a rich old aristocratic woman shows up, who is doesn’t use the NHS, who sits on her arse eating swans in palace 345 miles from Glasgow… she stays for about 45 minutes, says nothing of interest, then pisses off and…..they Name The NHS Hospital After Her.

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Glasgwegian. RAGING WITH QUEEN.

Glasgow has an appalling health record, mostly as a result of poverty and vast inequality. But now,  as the stricken from Drumchapel, Castlemilk and Govan  gasp for help, they will be obliged to say take me to….The Queen Elizabeth University Hospital.

It’s like a sick joke. But, as airport bombers found out, Glasgow likes to put up a fight.

About a mile from the hospital, is Sunny Govan Community Radio, and  one if its broadcasters, John Beattie – who worked in the NHS for 10 years – felt annoyed enough to started a petition saying that “we the people oppose the new South Glasgow University Hospital being named after a monarch“, hoping for a few thousand signatures.

So far, over 13,500 people have signed the petition. ( please sign here)

Purple faced and pathetic,  NHS Glasgow Glasgow Health board hit back, claiming it was ‘an honour’ for staff & patients to meet the queen and have the hospital named after her.

Lets ask the staff then….. A senior Dr Keith McKillop wrote to the Glasgow Herald saying….

“Queen Elizabeth is the most potent symbol of the glaring inequalities in our society, a vivid representation of the growing gulf between rich and poor. The name of the new hospital is not unimportant. One of my other bits of paper is an honours degree in theology, so I’m qualified to know that symbols carry meaning, power and influence. I am reluctantly obliged to reinforce the illusion that our hospital, and therefore our health, is the charitable gift of a benevolent monarch to her less fortunate subjects.”

Dr McKillop goes on to say that the general feeling amongst staff  is far from being ‘honoured’ they are either indifferent or object to the name.

Contrary to recieved wisdom, some Doctors can write very clearly…he goes on…

79-140R0131T9523“The association of royalty with healing is a medieval superstition with no place in the 21st century NHS. How can I realistically encourage the people of Glasgow to take responsibility for their health and wellbeing, for self-improvement, when the renamed hospital perpetuates the ideal of an inflexible social order? It suggests they should take life as it comes and accept their subsidiary position. It quite literally subjugates its patients.

Bravo Dr McKillop !

So who made this crass offensive decision ?

Such was the controversy that Andrew Robertson ( OBE ! Ha ! ), the chairman of Greater Glasgow Health Board wrote to the Glasgow Herald, “explaining” that they couldn’t consider a range of different names for the hospital as it would result in disappointment for those who’s preferred names weren’t chosen (this is establishment patronising speak for It’ll End In Tears…).

He claimed that Senior staff and senior nurses ‘considered’ the royal name ( and, it is implied, approved). But when the Herald made a request to see the minutes of the meetings, it turns out they didn’t exist.

Inviting this uneducated privately treated woman to Daimler up to Scotland to name  the hospital after herself cost over £100,000 ( this was only revealed after a Wings Over Scotland submitted a FoI request).

It looks unlikely that the hospital will be renamed. Naming a hospital after a royal is a risible idea, and I hope members of the Scottish government are squirming with embarrassment,

But at least Glasgow didn’t roll over and fawn. And that’s a start.

( despite the fact that -for once – this IS an interesting royal news story, it got very little attention, so please share on Facebook and Twitter and spray on the walls of royal palaces. Ta.)

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UPDATE: 12 November 2015 – having gathered over 16,000 names, the petition is now closed.