Of all the Royal claims, the most risible is the proclamation that they are ‘above politics’. If you swallow this, then you don’t understand how politics works – nor what royalty is for….

Because one of the most insidious effects of the Monarchy is to legitimise, promote and glamourise inequality and right wing values. The Windsor family themselves are probably too thick to see how they star in a Tory porn – but lets peek behind the conservative curtain…

Royalty Legitimises Snobbery: The Monarchy is predicated on snobbery. You are required to bow. To curtsy. To speak when spoken to. Because They are Royalty and are therefore Superior To You, Their Children are Superior to Your Children. You might think – oh it’s not like that anymore, they seem approachable. Well, that’s expensive PR doing it’s thing. If they don’t believe Royal Blood is intrinsically better than the crappy commoner blood going through your veins, then the whole thing falls apart. And nothing is more Core Conservative than believing the upper classes are born to rule.

Royalty Venerates Wealth : They may be snobs, but they are also vulgarians. Dotard Trump loved meeting the queen, because it was all about the gold, and palaces, and wealth, and thick red carpets. Now you – peasant – clap and be dazzled by the Crown Jewels ( stolen from across the world). We are supposed to be blinded by golden carriages, to be in awe of the palaces, the swan pate banquets and upper class bling. As if such an ostentatious and crass display of wealth is something to be proud of. Wave your union jacks from your hovel and be grateful that the rich will occasionally flaunt it in your face. Once again, a Tory value – fetishise wealth, fetishise money, fetishise gold – all piped into your brain via Das Vindsors.

Royalty Legitimises The 1% – the billonaires love the royal family because they present a pantomine story that The Rich Are Important Part of Our National Life. The frivolities of the Tatler set are elevated as if they are virtuous – Horses ! Polo ! Hunting ! Private planes ! The royals are a very useful tinselly distraction for the egregious spending of hedge fund managers, the tech giants, tax dodgers.

And following thee royal family around is relentlessly fawning coverage which insists – EVERYTHING THESE PEOPLE DO IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT AND NEWSWORTHY NO MATTER HOW TRIVIAL, IT MUST BE REVERENTIALLY REPORTED ( the BBC have a dedicated royal correspondent ).

Once again, the upshot is Tory conditioning: the Rich Are Great You Should Adore Them.

Royalty is anti Social Mobility : Want to be the UK head of state ? Sorry, can’t do it luv. You don’t have the qualifications. You have to have emerged from a Windsor Vagina. The smartest, most hardworking, intelligent working class kid – no matter how much effort they put in – will never have the platform, the influence and the clout than the thickest, rudest members of the Windsor family are granted automatically.

Royalty is culturally conservative: Politics is not just the bun fight in parliament. We are steeped in cultural politics, and every royal wedding, every tedious anniversary, every jubilee all emphasise the same right wing horse shit – flags, rich people, military, empire and grovelling obedience to your superiors. No wonder the Tories proudly display pictures of the queen in their homes.

What can we do when the royals have the billionaire press, the state broadcaster, and docile idiots endlessly regurgitating this toxic rubbish ?

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Go on. Be a reb.