You can’t hate a baby.
Well, from the moment the kid emerges from the Magic Head Of State Producing Vagina…. the poor wee mite’s fate is sealed. Welcome to the Non Stop Golden Snobby Feudal Freakshow !
Immediately, the media tells us how brilliant this baby is. They tell us to bow down and be grateful. They tell us this baby is VERY IMPORTANT, and there’s rolling coverage despite the fact that 61% of people polled have said they are Not Interested. Mostly, it’s only loonies and feebles who are excited. When a frothing Kay Burley asked people outside the hospital for a reaction ( when George was born), one of them suggested he’d heard it was ‘a black boy’ ( ha ! Even The Magic Head Of State Producing Vagina’s not THAT magic ).
What’s overtly implied, is that royal babies are more important than Your Baby. Am I overstating it ? Maybe a bit – obviously the press and PR push the Awww….We Love The New Baby angle – but stop blubbing into your Nicholas Witchell Memorial Royal Hankie and examine the “logic” of monarchy.
No matter how hard your kids work, no matter how smart and clever they are, no matter how much talent and charm they have, your kids will never be as important as this girl. Your kids will not be considered to be head of state. Because our head of state is based solely on the rather obnoxious idea of Bloodlines. The pathetic idea is that the Windsor family are intrinsically superior. The queen – a keen snob- has even decreed Kate she must curtsy to other princesses when blando Will isn’t about.
No wonder Republic had the admirable Born Equal campaign. I mean, come on…over the decades the horse munching, repeatedly racist, snobby, nazi loving, tampon impersonating, tiger shooting Windsor clan have been consistently dysfunctional.
Once you accept the argument that they’re clearly not anything special, then the whole dumb facade that we should grovel to these florid cheeked lazy yahs falls apart.
So if this new baby is brought up in the Windsor tradition, it’ll be fawned over, given it’s every need, have nannies, servants, have its primary school teachers bowing down, be followed by bodyguards at every step, be pursued by bovine monarchists, become a target for terrorists, have his first girlfriend / boyfriend speculated about, be supplied with copies of Razzle by the butler, be denied a private life ( and if you’re going to insist on a bloodline monarchy then you can’t complain when people take an interest in who you’re firing into…). The thing is monarchy fucks you up. It’s not the kids fault. As I’ve argued before, the best bit of parenting that William Windsor and Kate Thingy could do is to move to a remote ranch in California and let the wee ones grow up ‘normal’.
Cue a posh dinner table in the Napa Valley in 2030… A 15 year old skategirl …looks at her baldy fat father… “So like…ummm….when we were royal the public just like…ummm…thought we were better than them…? That must So suck….”