I sort of understand if you’re a daft  tourist visiting Britain, and you want to gawp at the weirdo freakazoid Brit monarchy (though of course the whole Good For Tourism thing is somewhat mythical ). But many smart, politically aware UK citizens Who-Should-Know-Better go slightly soft in the head when it comes to the Windsor Family.

So I’ve prepared a little diagnostic test to solidify your royal love….

1) Do you think snobbery – real and symbolic – should be celebrated ?

Despite the countless – gor blimey Prince ‘Arry’s just One of the Lads type coverage- The Monarchy is Built on Snobbery. The premise of the royal family is that these dullard poshos are inherently finer than anyone else, and therefore we must all bow, curtsey and call them Your Highness.

If you think ‘oh-mate-piss-off-with-that’ then… don’t indulge the monarchy.

Your granny might like the queen, but the queen thinks your lovely oul’ granny is a caste beneath her and insists on grovelling from all inferior blood….

If you write to the queen, you are advised to sign off – ‘I have the honour to be, Madam, Your Majesty’s humble and obedient servant’. Thanks Betty, the media may love your Golden Reign….but not me…

Harry likes to shoot buffalo and poor people in afghanistan ( cause he’s good at playstation)

2) Do you like that our ‘ideal family’ kill animals for Toff Fun? Hilariously, the queen is the patron of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty To Animals – this Fig Leaf is a classic case of Who’s-Getting-The-Endorsement here ? Because the queen, her husband, her sons, her grandsons love nothing more than killing animals with other florid faced hooray henrys. Prince Phillip ( patron, World Wildlife Fund ) is particularly unrepentant – loving blasting the fuck out of anything that moves, including a couple of tigers ( and don’t give me the That Was Then argument, it was hugely controversial even at the time).  And Prince Charles  – after a life of pampered luxury at our expense – threatened to leave Britain if democratically elected government banned fox hunting….still waiting Chuck….

By the way, that stupid scene in “The Queen” where Helen Mirren doesn’t shoot the deer ? HA ! Royals love shooting animals and show no compassion, the old royal dear would have blasted the poor Scottish deer and drank diana’s blood from it’s antlers. Or run it over in a tunnel with a white Fiat.

3) Do you approve of the Old Boys network ?

Prince Charles got into Cambridge University. His grades ? Oh, after an expensive education and every advantage in life, he got 2 A-levels a B and a C. Prince Edward too attended Cambridge with…a C and two D’s. Throughout life, these lazy thicko clowns cheat and are helped to avoid exposing their lack of talent. Obstacles are removed and meritocracy is trampled . Your friends, your children and you will not be allowed such leeway. And to make matters worse….patronage is alive and well, and they endorse other toffs..…

That’s right. That BBC article claims the Palace endorsed David Cameron. And we’re all laughing our way to the foodbank.

Thought ALL PILOTS in RAF were supposed to have perfect vision ?

4) Do you like rich lazy people who can never ever lose their job ?

When the royals turn up to open some NHS hospital they’ll never attend,  the BBC, the papers and the monarchists bore on about how amazingly hardworking they are ( yeah, forget the nurses / firemen etc, praise the toffs). But think about it –  typically, a royal engagement takes about 45 minutes. They Rolls Royce up, they are fawned over, they shake hands, they look bored. Then, they are whisked off again. That, is what the royal press calls ‘hard work’. They can sometimes manage 2 or 3 of these dullard appointments a day, and therefore at the end of the year proclaim how many Engagements they took on.

Prince William – after leaving the RAF ( early, costing taxpayer money)

worked only the equivalent of 46 days in a year. This was only revealed due to excellent work by Republic ( join here ). Poor William, his hard graft included two trips to the cinema, 14 to a show, sports event or theme park,  21 parties, 10 a dinners, 2 Church services. My heart bleeds….

Back breaking toil in the Cinema

Nice work if you can get it. ( But you can’t. Unless you emerge from a magic Windsor vagina.)

On the other hand when they sit on their arse being tended to by a litany of butlers and servants, nobody complains. Or reports.

5) Do you think rich aristocrats should be allowed to abuse public funds ?

Most of these stories are hidden now due to the scandalous lack of accountability around the royal family, but there’s still plenty of evidence. Princess Anne used (funded) Queen’s helicopter cause she didn’t want to miss her beloved horses. You pay for that. The queen tried to use funds earmarked for her poorest citizens to heat her large empty palaces…Prince Andrew even allows his paedo pal to use RAF bases to land his private plane….

OK are we ready ?  WHO LOVES THE ROYAL FAMILY ?

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Bueller ? Bueller ?

[ Everyday, the media publish relentless uncritical grovelling nonsense about the Windsors, so, in the interests of balance, please share this article on Facebook and Twitter ]