When oul’ Queeny kicks the Golden Bucket…

Day after day we’re sold the fiction  that the Royal Family – and in particular The Queen – is some sort of ever present po faced Demi God. But, you know what….she’s gonna go….

Elizabeth Windsor was born in 1926. Phillip Mountbatten was born in 1921. They’re both going to die, probably within the next decade. There’ll be a clamour for wailing peasants and tearful celebrities on an unprecedented scale. The black ties that BBC reporters carry with them, will be donned as part of  Operation London Bridge .

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Your Revolting Scribe here feels sympathy for any human being who dies, and it’s not a great look to be actively cheering on an Old Persons Death. Ultimately, a rich aristocrat  who I never met, will have be gone and I won’t be in any way upset, but  because I’m human – nor will I be leading a buckfast drinking Conga down the Mall.

But I will be resisting the compulsary sadfacing that is expected of us.

Because schedules will be cleared.  The BBC will drop all comedy ( how dare you LAUGH at a time like this ?). Drippy music will be played even on Radio 1. The message will be clear – an posh old lady dying after a long life of luxury  is a NATIONAL TRAGEDY.

How will this work with other news ? What if Betty pops her clogs on the same day as Brexit ? Or a horrible violent attack elsewhere? Or an hour before the Champions League final? How will the BBC cover differing reactions – Windsor will react in a very different way from the Falls Road Belfast, or Liverpool, or Glasgow….( answer – they won’t ).

[ a slightly odd Vanity Fair video about events]

The establishment knows, an interegnum, is a potentially volatile time. Whilst Republicans will be screamed at to show respect, the machinery of the establishment will kick in, ruthless ensuring  that daring to even discuss the future of the monarchy is a sacriligous scandal.  If we dare to ask if King Charles is really such a Good idea, the Royal Experts ( who already cashed in by signing exclusive deals to be part of Sky News rolling coverage) will declare we’re crass and hateful…

At the EXACT moment, when it’s vital to discuss whether The Monarchy should continue, UK Republicans will be  told to be silent or be labelled callous opportunists.

I hope Republic have a plan for dealing with this, I hope Republican MPs speak up.

But in the age of social media, they can’t just declare that we’re ALL inconsolable  weeping wrecks. We can make our voices heard. We can be visible. We have to say….

Sorry For Your Loss Windsors, But Lets Leave it There….

[ Please share this blog on Facebook, or elsewhere. Win the Revolution comes, you’ll get a free AIR BnB discount voucher for a Night in Balmoral*]

[ *not true. But do share]

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Scotland versus the Royal family

 

The royal family, should more accurately be called The London Royal Family. They never really leave their palaces in the exclusive parts of  London.

The (very dubious)  argument that they Are Good For Tourism should really read The Are Good For Tourism in Very Wealthy Parts of London.

There are however,  transparently patronising attempts to win favour with the ‘regions’ of their kingdom….

The Prince of Wales ( lives  in London )

The Duke of Edinburgh ( lives in London )

The Duchess of York ( lives in London )

not to mention the newly anointed…

Earl and Duchess of Dumbarton ( 175 Dumbarton Main Street – NAW !…only kidding. London. )

It’s a feeble distraction tactic by those who hold power. Could Duchess Meghan tell you a single fact about daily life in Dumbarton ?

But it is Scotland that’s most proving difficult for the PR spinners of the royal family. Because –  despite being forced to stump up £35m a year  – most Scots are not enchanted by the forelock tugging crap any more.

Rebellious Scots to Crush ( this is the 6th verse of God Save the Queen)

Some of our pals in England may wonder if Anti-Royal sentiment in Scotland is a symptom of a wider Anti-English feeling ?  Nope, not the case – for most Independently minded Scots, the idea of Independence is motivated by democratic self respect ( is Scotland a country? Yes it is. Should the people of a country have the right to elect their own government ? Yes they should. See ? ), and to mischaracterise it as Anti-English is like Gammon Gavin the golf club moron braying that Feminism Is Just An Excuse to HATE MEN.

People in Scotland (including many of the English people who live here)  want independence as a means to change society for the better.

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That week in the marines where Edward won all those medals. And his kilt.

And whilst the SNP leadership characterise an Independent Scotland as retaining the Monarchy, it’s fig leaf-  essentially trying to keep an older, more shortbread strain of Scottish electorate on board. Even campaigners for Scottish Independence don’t want to make Monarchy a foreground issue, because, why frighten off the hesitant pensioners and Sunday Post readers ?

But there’s very little love for the royal family in Scotland.

 

There was just ONE party in the entire country for Harry & Meghan’s wedding. There was no bunting for any of the royal weddings recently.  When a brand new edfd3e6a2ffb48b690140ed589e16280--scottish-independence-princeGlasgow Hospital was named after the queen, over 16,000 people signed a petition to object ( wrote about it here  ). The Scotland fans sang ‘Oh I’d rather have a Panda Than A Prince.” Only 41% of Scots are supportive.

So what can the Royal Family do ? Prince Charles regularly dreary’s himself up in a kilt and writes crappy tales about Lochnigar, but the effect is patronising, rather than ingratiating. It reminds Scots of The Laird, the Hunting Shooting and Fishing class who own Scotland with the result that  the landscape  is deserted so that they can gammon together and shoot things.

Central to all this is Balmoral. The Aberdeenshire castle has always been a key part of the Royals Love Scotland narrative.  When the royals stay at Balmoral, a piper plays outside every morning to wake them. So you know, they’re in touch with what life is like for people in Glasgow. In fact, the very romanticised, pantomime image of Scotland that Queen Victoria confected -has held Scotland back for years. We bought the Balmoralification of our culture, but not any more.

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Enchanting picture of the Queen at learning Bal-morality as a kid

The Firm also have an oncoming generational problem – do we really think that Harry and William will want to spend every wet September in rural Aberdeenshire ? I very much doubt it. An attempt to win favour was made by sending Prince William to St Andrews – and this is emphasised on every occasion – but St Andrews is hardly typical of Scottish life. Anyway, he didn’t like it.

And most significantly of all, the Queen politically interfered in the most important democratic event in Scotland’s modern history. The one rule of being a ceremonial monarch is don’t abuse your position.

She abused her position. Remember that.

None of this is tangible in the Relentless Grovel Fest that passes for royal journalism, but it’s happening on the ground. We’re on the road to a Scottish Republic ! ( but shhh…don’t tell anyone )

Everyone, across the UK, is welcome to my 2025 Balmoral Scotland Republic Party ( hopefully in the next 5 years ). We’ll put on Prince Charles’s old kilts and drink malt whisky and rifle through the attic searching for Seig Heil pictures.

Everyday is Royal Propaganda Day in the Media. But NOW you’re gonna RT this or Facebookise it or be Luke Skywalker engaging with The Force for the first time.

Share please & follow @unroyalreporter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reasons to be cheerful

Making the case against the Monarchy often  feels like pissing into royal wind. Because, to my astonishment, most people have an (unexamined) sentimental attachment to this feudal circus.

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Not weirdos

Even obvious royal disasters like the queen interfering in the Scottish referendum or when the Windsors  could barely manage to squeeze out a tear between them  when poor oul Princess-Of-Hearts-England’s Rose In the Wind died…these awkward historical facts are hastily glossed over. Or sympathetically re-imagined featuring Helen Mirren.

Forlocks are tugged. Grovelling returns.

So for the rebel alliance, it often feels like things will never change – and indeed that is the point of the whole charade  – for us plebs gaze at the palaces with half wit wonder and understand that They are  immovable –  THE ROCK OF MONARCHY on which the glorious UK caste system is constructed.

But then, things never change until they do.

So here’s a couple of republican reasons to be cheerful…

They try to pretend that Queeny is  a near deity like in her existence,  but she’s human. And she’s going to the Great Royal Enclosure in the sky soon enought  (and please, be prepared for an orgy of orchestrated sad face ). And whilst I won’t cheer the death of another person,  nor will I feel any sense of loss.Nor should you. You don’t know her either.

Which brings us to the First republican reason to be cheerful – that Charles is next in line, and he is clearly a pitiful ol’ toff with a head full of broken biscuits.

Please feel free to exercise your Republican Anti-Charles muscles here. He’s an unsympathetic character, he’s clumsy, he’s dull.

The second  reason is that Harry Windsor’s said something genuinely intriguing –  that not one of the Unremarkable Windsor Family actually wants to wear the crown, and that he nearly ran away from the circus.

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Amazing. A FREE MAGIC DINOSAUR EGG!

This is not as satisfying a finale as you and I doing wheelies  round the palace corridors whilst raiding the wine cellars, but we would accept their surrender.

Monarchy is  a form of child abuse – not as some of the rumour-mongers would have it – but as in, being a royal kid is being brought up as a freak, with no options, no real freedom to grow, and surrounded by flunkeys.  12 year old Harry was forced to stiff upper lip behind his mother’s coffin. C’mon, that’s pretty traumatising. (Interesting that Chazza never even got a ‘thanks Dad’ in same interview)

And thirdly,  the role of the right wing media is declining.  For years the monarchy has  received relentlessly fawning coverage in the newspapers. But who, under the age of 30, buys a newspaper? Social media is doesn’t do pull out souvenir specials.

And there’s only so many hammy Ant’n’Dec specials the royals can do.

So make your voice heard – tweet, facebook, declare yourself a republican. The only other option is to behave as if we already are a republic. When no-one watches royal specials, when no-one turns up at visits, then they’re already gone….

And finally….a self declared, proud republican very nearly became PM.  Fancy that !

And to continue our rebellion …you could….y’know….share a link to this blog on Facebook or Tweeter ?

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Ready for the revolution compadres.

 

 

 

 

 

Relentless royal rubbish…

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The pinnacle of british genes

The Windsor family  cost us an estimated £334m.

A couple of days a week, they do comfy cushion 45 minute visits  but it’s hardly Real Work

They feed their dogs steak from silver trays ( according to rank, even corgis are subject to snobbery ).

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Any colour, as long as it’s fawn

And now, fellow serfs –  bless your lucky forelock  – you are being offered the chance to Clean For the Queen. Get onto your knees Britain… for the approval of someone who believes that every single one of you are inherently and justifiably beneath her.

Not for your community, not for the environment, not for wildlife. But to impress a sour faced old  aristocrat who lives in a palace filled with servants.  Oh  whilst you’re  down there grovelling …can you grab that rusty Tennant’s Super can and those Wotsit wrappers…?

And just to underline the unimpeachable integrity of the idea,  Clean for the Queen sponsors include…McDonalds, Greggs, Wrigley, Costa – yeah shut your lefty critical mouth, you CANNOT criticise any of those companies for contributing to the  litter problem can you ? ( 3% of all litter is fast food related and chewing gum costs a fortune to remove).

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Wrigley, keeping the queens highway clean

Fair-pay-for-royal-cleaners

It’s also worth remembering that those who Did Clean for the Queen had to fight to get a living wage. Maybe she expected them to work for free too.

Occasionally, at Revolting Subject Rebel Command, I think that I’ve spotted the exhaust port in the Royal Death star, and with one republican X wing torpedo, the whole feudal circus will go kaboom ( Princess Leah is allowed to be a princess until the medals are dispersed, but then she must change her name to BunFace McGinty ). And Clean For the Queen feels monumentally  unjust.

Think about it – to bail out the banks ( = the super-rich) vast amounts have been cut from  essential front line services. The super-rich royals got a 29% pay rise last year. But local councils who clean up the streets ? Cuts, cuts, cuts. The whole Clean for the Queen idea is predicated on the failed ‘Big Society’ premise –  ruddy faced toffs at the top of the class pyramid cajole the underlings to clean up for their viewing pleasure ?

The taxes you pay no longer fund binmen and street sweepers – increasingly, it subsidises the lives of the super rich, the private jets, the unaccountable… [ good Monbiot article on tax here]. So services suffer. Clean up serfs. If you don’t a TV documentary crews  will turn up and mock the poorest in society for  living in squalor.

This isn’t directly the fault of the Windsors of course. But they’re part of this horrible,stinking, vile, social conditioning. Some will fall for it – the Keep Calm and Carry On deference is hard to root out from British culture. But  social media allows us to howl at the dumbness of such an approach, to say to the 70 mps – the very MPs who are cutting local authority cleaning budgets – show some concern for the ordinary people rather than sniffing around for gongs and publicity you shameless self centred imbeciles.

Here’s an alternative suggesting: Queen for the Clean Up – announce that the queen will be the last monarch, gently wind down all tax & state support for the Windsor family, give them a palace and couple of horses and let them live a yah lifestyle elsewhere.

Clean out the cynical anti-democratic House of Lords, the dusty posh landowners and sycophantic bauble chasers.

Get off your knees and clean up democracy.

Here. Sign a petition.

Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh THAT WILL DO IT !

EMBARRASSING TRANSPARENT PLEA FOR RTs: There are hundreds of uncritical  royal correspondents, hours of Ant n Dec fawning, BBC sycophancy, and  an army of civil servants paid for by your tax dedicated to selling the royal circus as harmless fun. So if you can share this post via Facebook or Twitter ( or elsewhere) then it’ll make you cyber Che Guevara.

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Glasgow versus the Queen

In Scotland, there’s a bit of a smart thing going on.

1277678_608923449148847_770556601_oDuring the referendum Scotland started questioning everything, trying to figure out, from scratch What’s Important For A (Reborn) Country. And even though, in the end,  Scots opted to stay in the UK, the country had got the hang of the idea of interrogating the assumptions of the powerful.

This year, the Scottish Government completed a new hospital in Glasgow, the header_nsghc_wide_01biggest in the country. The entire £842m cost was  financed by the Scottish taxpayer, built on time, and without some lame brain PFI malarky. Glasgow, and Scotland is proud of it.

Then a rich old aristocratic woman shows up, who is doesn’t use the NHS, who sits on her arse eating swans in palace 345 miles from Glasgow… she stays for about 45 minutes, says nothing of interest, then pisses off and…..they Name The NHS Hospital After Her.

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Glasgwegian. RAGING WITH QUEEN.

Glasgow has an appalling health record, mostly as a result of poverty and vast inequality. But now,  as the stricken from Drumchapel, Castlemilk and Govan  gasp for help, they will be obliged to say take me to….The Queen Elizabeth University Hospital.

It’s like a sick joke. But, as airport bombers found out, Glasgow likes to put up a fight.

About a mile from the hospital, is Sunny Govan Community Radio, and  one if its broadcasters, John Beattie – who worked in the NHS for 10 years – felt annoyed enough to started a petition saying that “we the people oppose the new South Glasgow University Hospital being named after a monarch“, hoping for a few thousand signatures.

So far, over 13,500 people have signed the petition. ( please sign here)

Purple faced and pathetic,  NHS Glasgow Glasgow Health board hit back, claiming it was ‘an honour’ for staff & patients to meet the queen and have the hospital named after her.

Lets ask the staff then….. A senior Dr Keith McKillop wrote to the Glasgow Herald saying….

“Queen Elizabeth is the most potent symbol of the glaring inequalities in our society, a vivid representation of the growing gulf between rich and poor. The name of the new hospital is not unimportant. One of my other bits of paper is an honours degree in theology, so I’m qualified to know that symbols carry meaning, power and influence. I am reluctantly obliged to reinforce the illusion that our hospital, and therefore our health, is the charitable gift of a benevolent monarch to her less fortunate subjects.”

Dr McKillop goes on to say that the general feeling amongst staff  is far from being ‘honoured’ they are either indifferent or object to the name.

Contrary to recieved wisdom, some Doctors can write very clearly…he goes on…

79-140R0131T9523“The association of royalty with healing is a medieval superstition with no place in the 21st century NHS. How can I realistically encourage the people of Glasgow to take responsibility for their health and wellbeing, for self-improvement, when the renamed hospital perpetuates the ideal of an inflexible social order? It suggests they should take life as it comes and accept their subsidiary position. It quite literally subjugates its patients.

Bravo Dr McKillop !

So who made this crass offensive decision ?

Such was the controversy that Andrew Robertson ( OBE ! Ha ! ), the chairman of Greater Glasgow Health Board wrote to the Glasgow Herald, “explaining” that they couldn’t consider a range of different names for the hospital as it would result in disappointment for those who’s preferred names weren’t chosen (this is establishment patronising speak for It’ll End In Tears…).

He claimed that Senior staff and senior nurses ‘considered’ the royal name ( and, it is implied, approved). But when the Herald made a request to see the minutes of the meetings, it turns out they didn’t exist.

Inviting this uneducated privately treated woman to Daimler up to Scotland to name  the hospital after herself cost over £100,000 ( this was only revealed after a Wings Over Scotland submitted a FoI request).

It looks unlikely that the hospital will be renamed. Naming a hospital after a royal is a risible idea, and I hope members of the Scottish government are squirming with embarrassment,

But at least Glasgow didn’t roll over and fawn. And that’s a start.

( despite the fact that -for once – this IS an interesting royal news story, it got very little attention, so please share on Facebook and Twitter and spray on the walls of royal palaces. Ta.)

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UPDATE: 12 November 2015 – having gathered over 16,000 names, the petition is now closed.

They assume you love the Windsor Family

We’re relentlessly told that the Monarchy projects a good image of the UK on a world stage.

Er… posh, stale, bloodsport loving, thick, white,  boorish, military cloned hereditary Windsor Yahs –  is that what we want the world to think of first when they think of the UK in 2015?

I know the snootyness actually appeals to some  ( “oh gee I love your Downtown Abby” ) but c’mon we don’t sentimentalise rickets, or workhouses, or other symptoms of class discrimination.

I’ve battered on about the arguments against royalty here, there and everywhere, and Republic do it better at their Winning the Argument section. But sometimes logic doesn’t make people change their minds.

What’s important, is to change perceptions, to point out that the Windsors are naff. Are ugly and uncool. Are as appealing as Nicholas Witchell’s lesbian crushing bumhole.

There will always be Peasant Crown Monkeys who gimp it up for the camera….

People like this guy – who wrote Diana and Dodi’s name on his face every day at the Diana inquest. You’ll also spot him at outside their private hospital festooned in union jacks.

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“I’ve always been a Diana fan, but last year I woke up one day and decided to paint her name on my forehead – it just felt right,”

Ok, I’m a sarcastic snidey blogger and don’t want to be cruel to this man but clearly…he has a few issues. But again and again, the uk media and (embarrassingly) the international media love these ‘umble types, and play up the idea that they’re representative of attitudes towards the Windsors.

And who else do they count as a monarchists ?

You actually. The media default assumption is we all are. If Das Feudal Circus is in town and an office worker munching on tasty Greggs sausage roll dawdles over to the kerb for a gawp, they’re hailed by the press as a royal ‘well-wisher’, who ‘welcomed’ that vulgar big Bentley into town.

Anyone staring at the bizarre freakshow family is portrayed as in thrall to the monarchy.

And every criticism is shunned and buried, no-one draws attention to disinterest…

Consider the scandalous fact that Scotland’s newly opened hospital – built entirely with public money – was opened by the queen in front a few hundred folk, some of whom were keen to see the monarchy, some of whom were just hanging out.

For unfathomable reasons the hospital was named the Queen Elizabeth University hospital Glasgow ( despite the fact that the queen doesn’t use the nhs, hasn’t been to university,  and purred with pleasure down the phone to David Cameron when Scotland shat it at the referendum. Glasgow voted yes ).

So far so tediously predictable..

Don’t let them count you as a Monarchist.

People Behave Like Freaks Around the Royal Family

One of the  regular heavy boots moments in British civic life is when sane, smart people melt in the presence of royalty.

Whether it’s Wiggo kneeling down, or PJ Harvey scurrying off to Buckingham Palace to become A Member of the British Empire, a little part of me weeps every time someone  (formerly) cool accepts a gong or tugs the forelock ( even if they claim it’s for their nan. )

It doesn’t matter what the excuse – when the call came they obediently fell to their knees for a Sir or to get letter after  their name (  EPZ – Establishment Petting Zoo – in recognition that when asked to, they opted to place themselves above the people).

But the corrupt gong-a-dong world of honours is a post for a separate time.

What is it with normal folk becoming idiots in the presence of Windsors ?

Look at this video, of the Queen’s guard, presented to us so we can sneer….

The poor man was just distracted yet he’s shoved, shouted at and ridiculed. It’s horrible boorish behaviour by some tossers in red coats under the pretence of tradition. Yeah boys, you’re all fuckin’ heroes, why don’t you bayonet the poor old guy for Her Maj ?

But even more disturbing is this kind of behaviour. Again, here’s the clip….

The poor kid gets battered in the face by a soldier – AND NOBODY HELPS HER BECAUSE THE QUEEN IS MORE IMPORTANT.

Are they not human ?

It was like the time a pageboy collapsed during the Queens Speech and nobody reacted. In fact the royal press pack swooned at her callousness.

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Of course these incidents are accidents and not directly due to the pathetic Feudal Freak Show, but nobody present reacts. What is WRONG with these people ? A kid is hurt, a wee boy faints, and their priority is to ensure that nothing disrupts their precious grovelling protocol ?

Here’s how to react on a royal visit

Please tweet or Facebook this. Everyday we’re foi-grassed royal pish. Fight back.