The BBC & the Royal Family

The World-wide-web-super-highway is filled with angry people who foam and rage against the BBC. And yours truly, is not one of them. Public service broadcasting is a rare  and fragile thing, and though hugely flawed – don’t @ me – the BBC should be defended and saved from its worst impulses  ( otherwise it’s privatised telly –  Fox News & ITN for us all, for ever).

But royalty brings out the worst in the BBC. The broadcaster is at its most servile and unctuous, never kneeling when it can lie on the ground and drool at the green wellies of the nearest Windsor.

The royal fawning  is incessant and relentless. Every day, some trivial ephemera about Das Windsors No angle is too silly. Never hold power to account when you can grovel. It’s constantly reinforced – Everything The Royal Family Do is deemed Significant Enough To Be Celebrated.

Look below at the BBC’s Royal Charter – it’s  one of those establishment documents that tells you nothing but at the same time tells your everything….

charter

This is supposed to be a modern country

 

After the Hey-nonny-nonny-nonsense it states:

the BBC should accurately and authentically represent and portray the lives of the people of the United Kingdom today, and raise awareness of the different cultures and alternative viewpoints that make up its society.

So far so good. Hurrah for ‘alternative’ points of view. But  the charter then goes on to say…

The BBC should bring people together for shared experiences and help contribute to the social cohesion and wellbeing of the United Kingdom.

So Royal Weddings, Births, Speechifying, Deaths, Tours = shared experiences that are deemed to help contribute to social cohesion. And by social cohesion, I think what’s implied is docility. Circuses for everyone ( but you can read about the bread ).

Despite the fact that the majority don’t care about events like royal weddings, the BBC go to Def Fawn 1. Everything any royal commentator says is treated as completely credible, and the rarely  moments when a sceptical voice is invited to contribute, they are treated with scorn and their logical observations reacted to as if they were outrageous.

These days ‘National’ events are consolidated by almost weekly feudal porn likeseries The Queen: A Passion For Horses or Prince Charles dedicating an hour long episode of Countryfile to how great he is…, or even Prince Harry taking over The Today Programme.

Occasionally, something mildly contextualising will come up – such as a series called Reinventing the Royals -but it was pulled at the last minute, then broadcast 6 weeks later, after the royals had neutered any interesting content.

Do the BBC employ censors monitoring it’s output for the slightest hint of republican sentiment? Naw, they Make Staff do It Themselves. And so, critical voices get no airtime, and even journalists who cringe at what it does to the corporations credibility, must play along. I can’t imagine a senior BBC reporter being allowed to do what Michael Crick does here…

Royal Footage held by the BBC is strictly controlled (  editorial  compliance forms require producers to state if they plan to use any royal footage and in what context, which then has to be sanctioned ) – hence no repeat screenings for cringefests like  It’s a Royal Knockout.

The sad truth is the BBC is essential and complicit in the continuation of reverence for the Royal Family. They, more than anyone else, frame the narrative. Without BBC coverage, the monarchy fades away.

There is some hope. The BBC didn’t bother to cover Princess Andrews Daughter And that Posh Tequila Face guy’s wedding, which though hardly revolutionary, at least shows that public opinion can shift the dial a notch. And, amidst the 30 separate BBC Website updates – there was one that was at least not cheering but factual….

 

The point is, the BBC is suppose to reflect a diversity of opinion. It’s Your BBC, not just the 1%’s BBC. So rattle the cages. Visibly show disdain towards all this grovelling.

So please follow on twitter (@unroyalreporter) or share this CyberSemtex on Facebook and get into arguments with Fat Jeremy the Royalist in your office.

 

 

Top 5 BBC Royal Grovels

Barely a day goes by, with out some bum-clenching toadying nonsense about the royal family broadcast on the BBC. It’s relentless and it’s brain rot for the vulnerable.

Lets see what the BBC thinks we really need to know…

Woman Closes Door –  The BBC reported that a Woman closed a car door. Alert the Pulitzer committee.Screen Shot 2018-09-26 at 20.31.43.png

Boring Posh Couple Get on Tube – The BBC fawned at the very idea that Chaz n Dazed stepped out of their Bentley and deigned to slum it..

BBC Presenter Gleefully excuses Queen’s racism  – here, the BBC suddenly have an interesting royal story so…they quickly sweep it under the carpet. A grovelling guest recounts the time where the Queen met a foreign ambassador and declares   ‘I thought I was talking to a gorilla’. BBC Presenter, gives nervous hoot and describes such blatent xenophobia as  ‘cheeky’.  Will I Am doesn’t look too impressed.

If a working class person had said speaking to a foreign ambassador was like ‘talking to a gorilla’ on BBC1, can you imagine the outrage?

 

The Queen Lobbied The Home Secretary to Have A Man She Didn’t Like Deported – Wow – an actual news story. – not many  Abu Hanza fans about – but still the queen shouldn’t be interfering in justice like some Daily Mail gammon should she ?

WAIT….the BBC reached for it’s forelock & quickly APOLOGISED to the queen for daring to report an interesting insight.  Scoops 0  Sycophancy 1

Child Grows Up – Prince George is 1. Prince George Is 2. Prince George is 3. Prince George is 4. Prince George is 5.  – don’t bother clicking the links – I can assure you it’s a dull read. And, y’know, it’s sort of creepy – this child presented to us as if it’s the new Blue Peter dog.  Child Deprived of Normal Upbringing to Serve As Cute Mascot for Feudalism is a not a story I can find anywhere on the BBC.

The point is….it’s RELENTLESS.

And psychologically, it seeps in – the point is Everything That Posh Rich People Do is Very Important.

It’s not.

They’re not.

And this world of royal fetishists is right wing Jacob Rees Mogg culture, drip fed to the masses.

What can you do ? Share this article on Facebook & Twitter and print it off and slide it under the cubicle if you see Nicholas Witchell going for a royal poo.

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masticating for the royals

( update: I am going to add a list of unbelievably trivial royal stories as the bbc continue to publish them)

 

23rd  October – Prince harry drank something  People seemed pleased.

22nd October – a few people with red hair like Prince Harry. THANK YOU PUBLIC SERVICE BROADCASTERS MY LICENSE FEE HAS BEEN WELL INVESTED

18th October – Royal tour Non-Events.  They saw some things, she looked pretty. Lap it up proles.

17th October – In this truely moronic and dire report, some oul’ Aussie who won’t even go to see the royals, mouths some banal platitudes about the royals. This is utterly utterly dire. Why even publish this?

17th October – Boy rubs beard. 4th headline

14th November Prince CHarles likes posh food

Christmas Day – dull family go to church as usual

16th January – posh woman says some shit about pizzas

26 January – Queen plays game.

 27th February – woman speaks a bit differently

The Royal Family – above the law…

Some otherwise reasonable and savvy people, are are Mushy  Monarchists.

They talk the talk politically, but reserve the right to flop on the couch and wallow in a  a tedious documentary about the Queen’s best pals all being horses.

The Mushy Monarchists  justification runs thus…’oh come on it’s harmless pageantry and flags & good ol’ British tradition’. Such nonsense lets the upper classes sentimentalise inequality  & repackage unpleasant snobbishness as charming character traits.

But this whimsical narrative is shattered when members of the royal family are revealed to be above the law, meddling  and arrogant.

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I’ll be the Judge

The laws don’t apply to the Windsors. Under UK law, the Sovereign cannot be prosecuted. Or even questioned apparently.

Prince Charles has long hung out with some dubious characters. Despite some desperate spinning by royal PR, Prince Charles’s  long friendship with Jimmy Savile is undeniable, his life guru Laurens Van Der Post impregnated a 14 year old girl ( lets not forget that Savile-and-Charles-660x553Van Der Post is Prince William’s godfather ). Recently, Charles sympathised with abusive bishop Peter Bell, lamenting the ‘monstrous wrongs that have been done to you’. He  gave the Abusive Bishop money, and then a house “not too far from here so you can come over more easily”. Aww. That’s nice.

Of course none of this association implies Prince Charles himself is guilty of anything so sinister – I am politically opposed to The Windsors, but no-one should be accused of anything so toxic unless there’s compelling evidence. So to be clear, I am not amongst the wilder fringes of the net insinuating against Charles.

But clearly, the legal process does not hold them to account.

Here we have a man who  no-one can question, but he readily admits he was deceived. A man who’s always ready to lecture us on ‘duty’, but REFUSED to give a legal statement to the Independent Inquiry on Child Sexual Abuse.

Think about that for a second. An inquiry who’s stated aim is to ensure that children get ‘the care and protection from sexual abuse they need and deserve, now and in the future.’

Charles and legal staff REFUSE. A statement implies swearing an oath – and Charles lawyers shrugged, and said the court couldn’t compel him to release a statement. Why are they so concerned ?

Instead, they send a long letter, full of equivocation and ‘can’t remembers’ which was read out to everyones dissatisfaction.

One of the many things Charles couldn’t remember was who he was referring to in his letters when he told the Bishop he would  ‘see off this horrid man if he tries anything again’. How convenient.

After Savile, wasn’t there a collective moment when a shocked UK resolved that in the future, no stone would be left unturned, no matter who it upset ? Apparently not.

Before I bang the cyber gavel, , here’s a list of royal incidents where the current crop got away with it…

Prince Andrew rams gates to avoid 1 mile detour ( completely fine ).

Prince Harry out shooting, rare birds of prey shot in area…( nothing to see)

Prince Andrew goes to small house in London to meet with 17 year old girl who was trafficked across the Atlantic by a convicted paedophile ( seems legit )

_38495201_sketch150In fact the only court case where a member of Royal Family was held to account was when Princess Anne’s dog attacked a 7 year old and 12 year old, biting them on the collarbone and leg. Penalties for this crime could be a £5000 fine, 6 months in jail, and having the dog put down. Anne was told to pay £250 to each of the traumatised kids ( there’s no mention of an apology anywhere). The child biting bull terrier went home to eat steak. But a ended up eating one of the Queen’s corgis.

If you’re wanna be in the cool gang with the cool kids, please share this post on the Information Super Highway.

Royal Wedding Disruption Tool kit.

banksylondres

On Saturday, two wealthy people I’ve never met get married.  I hope they’re happy with one another and enjoy their Swan Cake. Hope a fight breaks out and Uncle Andrew doesn’t paw any vulnerable teenagers who’ve flown over on private jets.

It’s hard being a UK republican and fighting against feudalism when all it’s bling is blazing. We’re cast as th Ancient Mariner, cornering the wedding guests – And till my ghastly tale is told / this heart within me burns

However, the entire circus will be used to ram monarchy down our throats,   cementing  the idea that we all love the upper classes, that we are all in awe of gold tiaras, that we all adore gazing up at the gammon and tugging our forelock…

It’s blatantly political, and should be resisted.

So here’s some online ammo

HASHTAGS: I can’t figure out a catchy one yet – #meh, #feudalnotfairytale,  #breadnotcircuses #notwatching and of course #Republicnow. Tweet me more suggestions. Using the nauseating #royalwedding hashtag is encouraged to get out of our bubbles.

Here’s a link to the £32m COST

( also worth pointing this out when the inevitable retort comes that these events pay from themselves that…they don’t )

The homeless moved of the streets. I can’t think of a more apt and embarassing metaphor. Get out of the way Real Poor. We’re going to shove you  and your unsightly poverty out of the way and replace you with Useful Idiots who’ll cheer for the very system that oppresses.  It’s like something from Oscar Wilde’s The Happy Prince.

BBC coverage – here’s some embarrassing BBC coverage from previous royal events where the presenter hoots with laughter at the queens racism. Imagine David Jason had told that story about a darts player or someone. There would have been stony silence.

The tourist nonsense – easily rebutted on the excellent Republic Win the Argument site.

The Yougov poll that found 66% of us were not interested in Royal Wedding

Please tweet and Facebook. The BBC and media are determined to only feature obsequeious. By ignoring a very valid political objection, they are insulting us. I’ll be off watching Celtic.

And every time they say ‘The Nation has royal fever’ or ‘everyone is excited’ etc  – they count us ALL as dribbling monarchists. Be insulted. Be noisy. Be Funny. Be daft. Be smart

giphy

6 total cringers the Royal Family hope Meghan won’t find out about…

Hi Meghan, glad you found the site.

Congrats on getting engaged to that bloke. In my opinion, he’s punching above his weight, but hey, I hope you’re happy.

But there’s one or two things you might need to know…

  1. Historically, the royals were always pretty keen on fascism…the historical c67d919949265b19de42953cbe3a765crecord shows it was only due to the last American Divorcee (OMG!)   to marry  a prince that the UK avoided being ruled by a Nazi sympathising King. The Queen mum was also fond of Cecil Rhodes and various other white supremacists, and yes, the queen did throw a Sieg Heil as a child. And god knows what else they’ve hidden. However if you were to propose a documentary to the BBC to scrutinise the Windsor’s toxic political opinions…they’ll suggest  some sycophantic drivel with Claire Balding and horse frottage.
  2. Prince Charles thinks spraying coffee up the bum will cure cancer – Ok, this is a somewhat provocative interpretation, but Charles ( 2 A levels) did lecture medical professionals and recommend coffee enemas.  Your Fathe- in-law to be is a proud ‘enemy of the enlightenment’  ( if you want to be amazed by his gullibility look up his intellectual guru – and indeed Prince William’s god father – Laurens Van Der Post )
  3. They are awash with dodgy money – us serfs pay for the royals, but guess what – we’re not allowed to know ANYTHING about what they do with the dough. Even when the Queen was recently caught out trying to hide money from…er…Her majesty’s tax inspectors.
    HMRC-change-landlord-tax-manuals-without-notice-or-legislation-change

    You Are Not Allowed To Know

  4. . Prince Andrew and Fergie  raked in £15 million for their minging house ( £3m above the asking price ), and the new owners  – the son in law of  a horrific Kazakhstan dictator – were so delighted with their property, they ignored it for 8 years then knocked it down! Prince Andrew then personally pressurised the head of Coutts bank to take on the dictator as a client. Fancy that !
  5. Prince Harry cheated at his exams. An art teacher at Eton was expected to do some of Harry’s written work for his art exams and  other teachers created the paintings he submitted.   Poor Miss Forsyth was sacked from the posh school on the most  dubious grounds – that she was not cut out for teaching older boys “in the Eton context”. Perhaps she had the temerity to question the integrity of this. Turned out the teacher had a tape of Prince Harry talking to her about her doing the project ( where he admitted he wrote “about a sentence”) , and an employment tribunal ruled entirely in her favour –  Prince Harry had cheated, Eton has dubious integrity and she was awarded £45k in costs.
  6. Whilst the Corgis are fed steak from a silver platter, they may  suggest you horse_mask_left_fronteat horses….When it emerged in 2013 that Tesco burgers ( y’know, the type of thing poor taxpayers buy? ) had horsemeat in them, Princess Anne showed her sensitive side by proclaiming that, actually more subjects should eat horse.  And  by the way those corgis are served their fine steak in order of seniority. I shit you not –  even the corgi’s are subject to hierarchy.  The queen lives on a diet of pure swan foam. FACT.
  7. You Meghan… are a feminist ( hurrah, at last, someone with an opinion other than I like the army ). Maybe you could have a conversation with Harry’s uncle – Prince Andrew was involved in the trafficking a vulnerable 17 year old , sent to London, by a paedophile,  for the express purpose of spending time with him. The girl in question said she was exploited by royalty. There’s no funny punchline. We pay for him, is the punchline, but that’s just a dismal and pathetic illustration of how little power we have….

All of the above is well known, but rarely spoken about.

But it’s worth reminding the world.

So please share on Facebook & Twitter or print out and pin up in the local Royal Legion.

Welcome to the Firm Meghan.

Reasons to be cheerful

Making the case against the Monarchy often  feels like pissing into royal wind. Because, to my astonishment, most people have an (unexamined) sentimental attachment to this feudal circus.

royal-fans-camped-outside-royal-baby-hospital

Not weirdos

Even obvious royal disasters like the queen interfering in the Scottish referendum or when the Windsors  could barely manage to squeeze out a tear between them  when poor oul Princess-Of-Hearts-England’s Rose In the Wind died…these awkward historical facts are hastily glossed over. Or sympathetically re-imagined featuring Helen Mirren.

Forlocks are tugged. Grovelling returns.

So for the rebel alliance, it often feels like things will never change – and indeed that is the point of the whole charade  – for us plebs gaze at the palaces with half wit wonder and understand that They are  immovable –  THE ROCK OF MONARCHY on which the glorious UK caste system is constructed.

But then, things never change until they do.

So here’s a couple of republican reasons to be cheerful…

They try to pretend that Queeny is  a near deity like in her existence,  but she’s human. And she’s going to the Great Royal Enclosure in the sky soon enought  (and please, be prepared for an orgy of orchestrated sad face ). And whilst I won’t cheer the death of another person,  nor will I feel any sense of loss.Nor should you. You don’t know her either.

Which brings us to the First republican reason to be cheerful – that Charles is next in line, and he is clearly a pitiful ol’ toff with a head full of broken biscuits.

Please feel free to exercise your Republican Anti-Charles muscles here. He’s an unsympathetic character, he’s clumsy, he’s dull.

The second  reason is that Harry Windsor’s said something genuinely intriguing –  that not one of the Unremarkable Windsor Family actually wants to wear the crown, and that he nearly ran away from the circus.

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Amazing. A FREE MAGIC DINOSAUR EGG!

This is not as satisfying a finale as you and I doing wheelies  round the palace corridors whilst raiding the wine cellars, but we would accept their surrender.

Monarchy is  a form of child abuse – not as some of the rumour-mongers would have it – but as in, being a royal kid is being brought up as a freak, with no options, no real freedom to grow, and surrounded by flunkeys.  12 year old Harry was forced to stiff upper lip behind his mother’s coffin. C’mon, that’s pretty traumatising. (Interesting that Chazza never even got a ‘thanks Dad’ in same interview)

And thirdly,  the role of the right wing media is declining.  For years the monarchy has  received relentlessly fawning coverage in the newspapers. But who, under the age of 30, buys a newspaper? Social media is doesn’t do pull out souvenir specials.

And there’s only so many hammy Ant’n’Dec specials the royals can do.

So make your voice heard – tweet, facebook, declare yourself a republican. The only other option is to behave as if we already are a republic. When no-one watches royal specials, when no-one turns up at visits, then they’re already gone….

And finally….a self declared, proud republican very nearly became PM.  Fancy that !

And to continue our rebellion …you could….y’know….share a link to this blog on Facebook or Tweeter ?

s-l225

Ready for the revolution compadres.

 

 

 

 

 

A republican watches The Crown

One of the things that Monarchists take pride in, is the pageantry of Monarchy.

The jewels, the palaces, the robes, the titles, the kneeling, curtseying, the portraits, the gold, the wedding, the wealth, the glistening tears trickling down Diana’s soft cheeks…*sniff*

Even I will concede that a few idealistic republicans (UK) frothing around in donkey jackets brandishing witty placards can’t hope compete with that kind of upper class spectacle..

It’s  all deliberately  theatrical,  completely childish, invented tradition and of course, gruesomely  compelling

So it’s no wonder dramatists lap up the torrid tale of The Windsor family.

And on holiday – forgive me Rebel Alliance – I watched The Crown.

Screen Shot 2017-06-01 at 12.51.47

your critic

It’s brilliantly made, expensive and reeks of fags and bitterness. The cinematographer makes the palaces look damp and depressing, perhaps even like prisons ( the characters are often silhouetted against windows). At £100m for a series, it’s expensive – though of course, at £334m per year, yer real life less exciting monarchy costs us all more ( and entertains us less).

And to my surprise – there is just a hint of skepticism in The Crown.

Amidst all the palace porn & landrovers, there’s the argument that the Monarchy is actually more damaging to the Windsor Family than anyone else. These people are locked in a never ending feudal freak show – they can’t marry who they want, they have to spend a life idiotically waving at plebs and being bovine (which, admittedly, the real Windsors do very well.)

The writer Peter Morgan said in an interview with Radio Times – “That’s the imprisonment of the institution. And the suffering of the family ripples out from the crown, inflicting profound abuse on people upon whom it’s assumed it only projects luxury. It’s a hideous thing for them,” he says, “but as a drama it’s got everything.”

This isn’t the most potent argument against the Monarchy, but The Crown milks the ‘Trapped-in-a-Golden-Cage’ trope for all it’s worth.

On a daily basis, the lumpen masses are encouraged to venerate the  demi-gods of the royal family, but this drama tries to humanise them. That’s what counts for royal subversion on TV these days.

Of course, subjects can’t hope for too much. The drama is entirely in sympathetic with the Windsor family and falls into the category of “It’s Hard Living A Life Of Extraordinary Privilege” that will appeal to the Downton viewers in Ohio. It’s said the royals like it. I’m sure they do. Peter Morgan, already has a CBE for services to drama. So he’s already shown he’s happy to be in the Establishment Petting Zoo.

Screen Shot 2017-06-01 at 12.58.17And  yet en route The Crown exposes the stiff, starched idiocy of Monarchy – that Princess Margaret can’t marry some dull bloke, it hints at Phil the Greek being a shagger, and gradually reveals that – who knew – being walled up in a palace for your whole life damages those within.

This is a useful trope for republicans to remember when Big Geoff in the office mutters ‘oh leave them alone’.

The people who make the royal family’s life a misery are… monarchists.

These dullards wet their pants when someone takes a photograph of a royal kiddy, then buy the newspapers and announce their disapproval.

They are the people who always want more, more, more  – fawning and clapping dumbly at every royal burp and fart.

If you really want to make Prince George and you want him to lead as ‘normal a life as possible’ then leave them alone.

Let the Windsor family go off and be boring toffs and hunt foxes without us having to pay for them.

Sympathy for the Windsors  ? Become a Republican.